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I am just Me. Am I?

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Some thoughts...

Friday was quite a special day... CM ZY and I went to Ubi to look for a potential sponsor. They were abt half an hr late due to some miscalculations, and by the time we got to his office, we were told that he had gone out...plus he left his phone on the table...so basically there was no way we could reach him.

The only thing we could do was wait, and wait and wait...Heard some really lame jokes by CM, talked abit to ZY, we even went to Comfort Driving Centre to have a drink before finally returning at about 5. Finally, our efforts paid off. He came back. We were kind of expecting a thrashing of some sort, but actually, I feel like I've learnt quite alot fr him!

Abt branding, abt marketing, his passion and faith in his own products...and I somewhat feel quite lucky that we were kept waiting...cos' he turned out not so harsh in his questioning. Cos' if he did ask, I wld have died. I didn't do any research prior to that meeting!! Well...at least now i know how to improve myself!

watched quite alot of tv...and I did some thinking today whilst waiting for buses to come.
by right I should be really pissed off today cos' I actually walked a diff. route and missed like 3 buses in a row!!! But I didn't feel like all my time was "wasted"...in fact, i felt quite good that I was given the chance to "wait" patiently...
maybe it's cos' there's no PRESSING dateline for now...but well...I was happy that I'm not always pissed and making myself unhappy!

I SO SO like the cartoon showing at 1:30pm on Sat!!! Jap cartoons/serials always inspire me somehow. With their love and passion abt the things and people they love...their "almost" perfectly caring, loving and optimistic character.

I hope to be able to be a character like that.

My birthday... STILL

Haha...I'm terrible. Think that my 21st is such a BIG deal that well, I can sacrifice everything else including studies and all! ;P Came home on Fri and "made" my brother buy me the Breadtalk green tea cake which I had always wanted to try...It's on Promotion this week and hey...i liked it alot! So did the rest of my family! =) I'm happy! Although it's really weird to be "instructing" my brother what to get and all...but I could feel that he wanted to celebrate my birthday for me! (I hope...;p) and it was funny "posing" for my photos! It's such a coincidence that i was wearing the exact pink top with the same oily face...plus the fact that No one could capture me blowing out the candles...so i had no choice but to pose properly this time round! haha...

Spent the rest of the night watching tv, discussing the plot with my mum and well...doing the long overdue Asean essay. It wasn't a good job, but my heart wasn't very "willing" to do it...

speaking of which, reminds me of what my twin's tim posted in their blog...

"when your heart tells you one thing and your mind tells you another, you will have to decide which is better"

Yeah...that's so true...I'm tempted lately. Very tempted.

But let's hope my mind gets the better of me....

Thursday, March 25, 2004

OFF

It's a Thursday...couldn't wake up at the time I wanted to...So well, was in a bit of a rush for my tutorial...

Abit only cos' I could have made it to class on time, but I decided that breakfast more important, so off I went to eat and eat...hahaha...ended up late for class for about 20mins! Sat in class and tried to participate...but came back after half an hr to hall to watch abit of Twin effects(Rei was watching it after breakfast), and both of us went to walk around in IKEA, where we wanted to go yesterday.

Wanted to go yesterday cos' didn't wish to stay in hall...but later realised that hey...it's no problem slacking too...so well...went IKEA today only cos' it was kind of "planned"...didn't really need anything. Walked around, admired the nice stuff...ate a tasty jumbo hotdog...felt very full but cos' we came all the way out, i decided to satisfy my craving and ate ice-cream! Sigh...bought a rubbish bin, then went to walked abit in Anchorpoint...then back again.

We wasted another 3 hours just like that. Achieving nothing much at all...and putting on alot of calories.

But I won't harp too much on it! Cos' well...what's done cannot be undone! Just have to bear in mind what wenxu messaged me last night.

TO MAKE FULL USE of the rest of my 21!!!

Yeah, I sure hope I will...stop slacking, start studying, and end all the aimless shopping.

It's weird how when one REALLY wants to go out and buy something, can never find the time to...and now...it's like...I've too much time! Let me buy something! bwahaha....

Hauntingly weird...

OFF

Bwahaha...the birthday message to myself is abit off cos' it's "overdue" but well, just felt like doing it, like it's the only birthday that will allow myself to "indulge" for over a week!!!

Last week was filled with ups and downs and alot of work.

This week is like...give me more things to do! I'm kind of dying from boredom! hahaha...

After watching ALOT of TV on Mon and a lousy Ju-On movie...

My birthday went like this...

Woke up to continue on my essay which was SUPPOSEDLY due later in the afternoon.
Went for breakfast.
Met a very pretty Meifeng to get my pinky birthday present! (Paisei, was late)
Attended lecture only to sms all my friends.
Came back to my room to collect notes to return to a classmate but ended up too late. (Lecture ended before i got back)
Went for tutorial in Sci after picking up my bag outside the LT.
Came back to hall to "rest" for a while.
Went out again for project meeting.
Went to library.
Met up with sweet sweet gracia for a while to get my "oreo cheese cake" =) and to hear her sing a birthday song for me!! SO SWEET....=)
Came back hall to bathe (HOT HOT DAY!!!)
Had dinner.
Watched TV.
Went for blk meeting.
More TV.
Walked out to 7-eleven to get a bottle of liquor cos' Kenric reeked of it and the girls were suddenly inspired to get it! Nortea peach's quite nice! cos' it's sweet! ;P
Came back and turned as pink as my fav flowers (star gazers)
Watched part of a movie. (Twin effects)
Did nothing for a while.
Slept like a pig...

Somewhere in between, whilst watching American Idol 3, My birthday passed me by just like that.

I had received alot of well-wishes and a few very precious phonecalls! Zhengyong called me from camp, "blaming" me for sending him a sms before he could wish me a Happy Birthday cos' he remembered! Hong Ying called from DOWN UNDER and I was so glad to hear her voice! I received yet another birthday card from my ex-ex crush!!!

Actually, there's no reason why I shouldn't be satisfied and be a really happy girl!

Guess it's all the messages telling me to enjoy myself with all my friends, my project mates asking where I'm going to celebrate, my hall-mates asking how come i'm not out for dinner...

I know all my friends are very tied down by work and the upcoming exams. I dun blame them really, cos' I should be studiyng too instead of thinking of "play" the whole time! But it's just that...just wanna "let loose" and dun think so much about work just for this period of time! Was really upset that I'm stuck in hall on my birthday I seriously considered going out alone, but felt so lonely I wanted to cry...

But that was only for a moment cos' later I realised that Slacking can be really enjoyable too!

ZQ asked herself, "when was it that she did something for the 1st time?" Interesting question, I asked myself that...so I decided to do something on my birthday...I meditated! Cool! It was quite an experience! THough it was only for a short while...I felt rather at peace and relaxed and all.

SiYi and ShuYi are right, one should learn to be content with what he/she have...so that we can be happy...=)

Happy birthday to me...

Happy Birthday.

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Me me me 21 yr old me!!!

Wait!!!

There's more!!! XY and company (Nat and YT) actually came up at about 1am to do a wiggly fluid birthday dance for me!! And...it's the first time I got my birthday song recorded into a wav file...and a really funky birthday song at that!!!

Thank you Yiting, Priya, Xinye, Singyee, Sunshine and Nat!!

And a super cute pinky hamster from yt!!!

AND...
I love you FWOC. =)

Oh...and a BIG thank you to those who remembered me! Yee Keng, Peiling (So long no see! Almost 3 yrs fr taiwan!), my "sec 1" who said that she'll forever remember her rep!! And well...I'm touched by so many who remembered...thanks!

Me me me 21 yr old me!!!

Wow...the test was actually quite accurate! I'm surprised...and yeah, despite the fact that my essay is due 3pm tmr and nothing has been done...I wanna be here to blog!

Gonna allow myself to "indulge"...since I've just turned 21!

What a peculiar feeling really.

It finally hit me.

Started to receive messages last week whilst asking a few people to attend my party, my ex-crush messaged me too thinkin that my birthday was today! I received a card from him, a present from SJ, and surprisingly...a card from UE! That's what made me kind of feel bad and "down" for the day...Oh...Rei was REALLY nice to go out with me today, to exchange my sketchers shoes for a bigger size...we actually travelled to Bugis, shopped around abit, she bought nice slippers and I found a nice earrings shop...and yeah...I signed up for aerobics classes with Amore! Okay...diverted...back to UE. I really didn't work hard for that comm. It's like almost last on my priority list...Dun really like that feeling...cos' well...I would love to put my whole heart and soul into doing things...

Okie...enough of that unhappy stuff...more about happy stuff! Yeah, i came back feeling hungry and tired, finally tried to read more about JAPAN-ASEAN trade relations (My essay topic) and getting no where basically...then yeah, Zhenqian and Kok Sing came around asking for FTCs so i got birthday wishes from them...plus a birthday song from 2 very cute guests who actually called me auntie/pig!! (Misled by the BAD big bros and sis) haha...

Sat around in my "tidied-up" room for Fwoc to come...I knew they'll be coming, it's like a tradition...but I was actually surprised cos' when they were late, I thought they wouldn't be coming tonight and I went to Rei's room until I heard Beck's and Kenric's voices...It's nice to have them around me to sing me a birthday song really! Though i know i look really ugly but that's not that important...they hung around...I did a DARE for the first time in my life, walked abit with my new bra over my head!!! (Actually Weiren is the poor thing, but he's really sporting!) Lucky i think my bra was nice...though there were disputes about whether or not I could fill it up but that's not important for now...

I didn't really know how I was feeling....it didn't matter somehow...and yet I guess it did cos' my eyes got misty, but I wasn't all that humiliated really! So...It's just a mix of feelings...

21...I'm old and supposedly independent! But....I think i still wanna whine to my mum, to lean on my future bf...

Yeah...i'm not meant to be some "strong girl" I think.

But one resolution! TO BE A HAPPIER PERSON and to fork out more time for interaction with people!

I'm not a loner...I know I'm not.

I'm just not very confident as of now. That's all.

And that WILL change. =)

Now that i'm 21...

Tuesday, March 23, 2004





I'm completely down-to-earth!

Find your soul type
at kelly.moranweb.com.


You are the most in touch with knowledge. It's the tree of life from which you tap the sap. You know what you want and you know how to reasonably get it.

Virtues: You respect people with plans. When someone has their head on their shoulders, you know that they can see straightforward and keep their eyes on the mark. When it comes to looking at the future, you take a logical approach: what's within your ability? A fortunate attribute that you have is the ability to set a goal for yourself, higher than maybe you feel possible, but still keep yourself within reasonable bounds. You take the time to appreciate those surrounding you and they do appreciate you in return. Decision-making comes naturally to you when you take the time to consider each option. People only come to talk to you when they are looking for a logical, reasonable solution.

Aspirations: You have an idea of what you can do with your life, but you push it up a notch. You need a profession that you can enjoy, so work towards it. You want to live near your friends and family while being as far away as possible. You also want to settle down while working in excitement and variation.

Quirks: You don't appreciate drama queens and they don't appreciate you. When they need help, they won't seek you out because of your ability to see through their overly dramatic predicaments. You have leeway for humor, and sometimes love to participate in it, but when it becomes irrational behavior, others can count you out. Loud noises are bothersome, except when they come from you or your friends.

Factors: Reach for the sky! Don't decide to do something because you're merely good at it, but choose something you might like to do, despite whether you're sure you can master it or not. Don't only save room for a few empathetic friends, but open up to everyone.

Future: When looking for a job, if you work in all of your talents (logic, decision-making, planning, and definitely humor), you'll find yourself happy. Come to a compromise for location; live nearby your friends and take periodic vacations or live farther away and take frequent return trips.

My gosh...I'm long-winded...

After reading through my entry...

GOSH, how can you guys stand me?? I'm so crappy! But well well...being my friends...I'm sure u'll bear with it all! ;P BWahaha...i'm so taking up people's time...but well...

I ALMOST FORGOT the BAILEY'S! How could I?? I loved that too! =)

And yeah...to continue counting my blessings...(read on if you've too much time to kill)

My mum "booked" me to go shopping on Sun once i got back from the chalet in a cab that cost me a freaking $12. Anyways, though I was really tired and falling asleep...I just had to go out cos' my mum looked so enthusiastic about buying me a key! So we went to Chinatown to hunt for my key!!! There weren't many shops selling...and those we saw were mainly huge and ugly...it was until I decided to go into every single shop that we finally came across this sweet little pendant that's heart-shaped and has 3 tiny diamonds...

It wasn't cheap, pendant plus chain cost $200 but my mum bought it for me all the same...and I'm so happy with it i'm gonna be wearing a chain! Am not used to wearing chains but i'll definitely wear it! Of cos' we hopped over to OG, our "fav" hangout for the afternoon before going home...

It has been a tiring week, weekdays cramped with work, weekends with loads of fun...but it feels damn good at the end of it all...

I sure hope all this feeling of goodness and happiness will last for a longer time...so that I can affect the people around me too!

Huan, hang in there!
Twin, I so miss you!!!
Peijin, SAY something!! hahaha...
Ziwei, Jia you!
Mel...hmm....do ur work!

To everyone else...POST a note so that I know you're here k? heee....

Happy advanced birthday to me!

Monday, March 22, 2004

More about my birthday party...

Well well...since it's the first time I've organised a birthday party, think I wanna harp on it more!

10 things I love about my party.

1. All the PINK/redish tops/bottoms my friends were wearing! (No wonder I was in such a good mood, it's PINK therapy!)

2.The BEST "porn" / sensual MTV! (Sure to come in first for Singapore's funniest home video)

3. All the lovely pinky presents, the "surprise" watch and my fav shoes, the sinfully sweet scents from body shop that's all out to make me a walking strawberry! ;P and my "upcoming" fridge!!!

4. My marvellous chocolate cake!

5. All the food!!! (Esp. the junk! after "dieting" for 2 weeks....it's HEAVEN!) My friends all have good taste!

6. The laughter and chatter of all my friends.

7. The MANY MANY hugs and well-wishes I got that night.

8. The warm and fuzzy feeling I get from watching my friends sleep.

9. The happiness of watching the sun rays reflect off the pool just opposite my chalet and feeling like I was loved by so many who "sacrifice" their time just to come and eat food cooked in soup and praising my mum's curry...

10. The smiles I'll get when I look at all my photos again...

Thank you everyone! Thank you! =)

I'm the luckiest girl alive!!!

I'll wanna maintain this mood! though I know there's work for me to do, things for me to read, responsibilities for me to face up to, and that some of my friends are facing problems, whether at work, school, home or in relationships...

But I wanna be HAPPY! TRULY HAPPY. Cos' somehow it just feels like I haven't been REALLY REALLY happy for sometime already.

Or perhaps I shouldn't be thinking about and comparing my happiness NOW to that of my SEC school days, or even my JC ones...

Cos' back then, the world was colourful, with well-defined colours, and there's black and white! Now...the world is still colourful, with more colours in fact cos' of all the blending and merging...and there's a whole lot of Grey...

BUT...I'm really happy! REALLY, I should be! =) Despite the fact that I was really tired on Sat after a few days and nights of serious lack of sleep and all...and that JUST RIGHT before the chalet i still felt like I wanted to cry and not to continue with the "party"...but eventually...ALL WENT RIGHT! With the help and support of my friends of cos!

It's tough being my close friends I tell you...Peijin had to bear with so much shit from me when I kind of "threw" my tantrum at her when I couldn't do my tutorial and I felt so dumb and all...and later being miserable for being early and others being late when they were out getting things FOR ME...Well...I was being an arse, but she never blamed me! =)

Aili, Meifeng and Peijin were the earliest to arrive and they helped me bought all the food needed for the steamboat! Wouldn't have known what to do without them cos' I'll probably have forgotten to buy alot of things! ;P Then when we got there, they immediately set out to wash this, cut that...whilst I was just sitting at one corner, desperately messaging everyone to buy this or buy that (which we found to be lacking)...or else to go up and down picking people up! Later...my MUM and my Bro came! TO deliver Chicken curry! MY MUM is the BEST!! and I LOVE HER SO! Told her that it'll be nice if she made curry for my birthday party then she purposely tested out the curry the week before to MAKE SURE that it's good! After dropping by with the curry and other necessities such as knife, can opener and detergent which i seriously over looked, they both left without having dinner cos' my brother was getting uncomfortable with the idea that there'll be 10s of girls in the chalet! haha...

People then started to come....Qingwen and com. were the first to arrive then dinner started!!! Later my hall friends came and they "hogged" the Sofa and the TV for the wonderful channel U show "love is beautiful"...(well, the ending was at least satisfying...I still like happy endings and the GOOD winning!)

So the whole night, I basically hopped around eating ALOT ALOT of food...tried to talk to as many people as I can (but Still, i didn't do a good enough job cos' i left out ALOT of people)!
And tried to catch as much of the show as possible whilst "interacting"...

Cut my cake at about 9pm cos' some people had to leave already! I think I'm just not very comfortable with the idea of having so much attention on me! But still, I was happy to hear so many people sing my birthday song for me! After a very embarrassed me made a very quick wish...(ACTUALLY i forgot to think properly about what I really want...) ;P I cut the fabulous Choc cake from Marina Mandarin Hotel!!!

Those present were people impt to me...they were people I met along the way...and who "stuck" around me...of cos' there were many others who couldn't come or that I didn't invite due to the "worrisome" part of me getting the upper hand! I considered too much and eventually, i realised that hey...I could have invited alot more people!!! There were enough space! and I needn't have worried abt the interaction and all cos' well...things will eventually turn out....but well...it's over and I'm still happy!!!! Will do a better job for my 60th birthday!!! ;P hee...

Then I went about talking to the guys...(poor things, only 4 of them from 60) and updated myself on their lives abit, learnt more about the "art of dieting" ---yes, they guys know how to "diet" too...and well...psycho-ed a few to consider coming into KR.

Then I went over to my Hall friends...they were really sweet! really, after going thru so much trouble to get my shoes, only to find that my feet's too fat...I know they went through alot of headache deciding on the colour and the size and I love them for that! AND AND...the huge PINK card!! without them...I'll probably not have any birthday well wishes at all! (Cos' didn't really receive any cards....)

AND AND....cannot leave out the pretty babes! THEY are absolutely the coolest!!!!!!!! They went through alot of stomachache and mouthache(from all the laughing) to come up with the MTV just for me!! AND oh boy...I didn't know whether to laugh (Cos' they were simply hiralious) or to cry...(I was so touched)...It's like one the of best presents to get ever! TO know that your friends love you and they they dun mind being a fool just for you!!!

And of cos...the people who went through the most for the planning and execution of my party...the lishis! Sigh...I'm one lucky girl!

The night went by with my hall friends watching tv, pretty babes discussing abt their future and job prospects, coming up with ideas of a joint consultation effort (it used to be a food parlour) and the lishis exchanging information about their love lives...

it was only until about 4am then we ALL started to rest....We're no longer young lah...not like past chalets when we'll insist on going out in search of the beach and all...now we lay in bed and talked! I slept in the living rm with Huiyi...and well...had a neckache for a while...and woke up real early (cos' joyce and wenxu left early) to eat a lot of junk and watch tv!! Haha...being awake alone...looking at all my friends sleep...I actually feel very fortunate!

Sigh...enough of all my crapping on my birthday party...time to go for tutorial!! shucks...running late! Will update about the happenings after that later!!!!!!!!! =)