My Thursday 13 May

Nothing particularly exciting happened yesterday cos' i stayed at home. But I did have fun trying to come up with a synopsis for the script.

And I touched the keyboards once again. Started out with this song...which I've played 10 years ago. My teacher, Miss Hwang wrote a date there...and it was 94...How long ago was that? 10 years have just slipped past my hands...and yet the song was still familiar...

Friday.
Today. I woke up super early. Had to type out the synopsis...then it was a mad rush to meet the scriptwriting team at 2pm. It was a good thing E reminded me to sms them. Cos' I happily thought it was at 6:30 and I wanted to like take my own sweet time.

The meeting was pretty interesting. We exchanged our ideas...and expanded, or rather, decided on 2. I was happy...cos' I liked both the ideas. My idea was favourably looked upon....but as usual, it lacked coherence...so it's tentatively KIVed...I am abit disappointed but well...I liked the other 2 too! =)

Den I went to shop around abit whilst hanging ard in Orchard waiting for E to come meet me to discuss somethings abt e event.
Finally bought the pink top which I've been eyeing from Mango. Bought another lime green one...just couldn't resist the colour.

Met up with him finally. I voiced out my concerns and fears...and he helped analyse the situation...could say that I kind of enjoyed that one hr...just sitting opposite him studying him in deep thoughts. Then he asked me where I was going...I said "home loh" We both stood up...walked out of Macs and cos' he was looking at another direction, I didn't know what else I could say after saying Bye...so I just left.

I walked off just like that. Could and should have asked where he was going. He did mention something about gg to taka square and looking at the sports fair there. If he weren't meeting someone else...I could have hanged around with him den take the train back together or something.

But I did nothing of that. 3 years ago...I would most likely have done something. Today, I just walked away...decided to drop by the orchard library....took a walk inside Kino, bought 2 fanciful files on pure whim, went to the lib, paid a fine of $6.75 and borrowed 4 love novels.

Well...at least one thing done. Now i'll have something to keep myself occupied. I really did enjoy being alone. No more trying to keep up with conversations, to avoid awkward silence, to acccomodate, to put up a pretence.

I felt so carefree.

I guess that's what you get for being single. =)

USELESS BUM

I am a bum...and a FAT and USELESS bum at that.

Whilst all my friends are working their assess off...i'm bumming around. Sitting either in front of the computer, or in front of the goggle box.

I did try to get a job!

Sakae obviously dun wanna hire me. It's been a week. Someone asked if I was interested in translating a P5 textbook from Eng to Chinese. I was like...wow...sounds like fun and I'll be paid for it? Cool. But just when I was about to get my hands on the book. I was told a translator was found.

All right. I tried out teaching at Xiao Zhang's centre the other day. I thought...shouldn't b that much of a prob. Nothing was heard ever since.

I went for a job interview yesterday. It was telemarketing! Nothing too challenging whatsoever. I thought. No reason y they wouldn't recruit me with all my qualities and qualifications.

I thought too highly of myself. They said they might want me to start work today. No...no calls yet.

Was it because I appeared to be not confident yesterday when she asked me to describe myself?

What's wrong?

Am I a lousy person or what? Here I am...spending money like water esp when my family is not even well-to-do and I can't find a job?

Speaking of which. Maybe I am lousy. I dunno why but I was just reminded of when I was in China.

I so blatantly posted my numbers EVERYWHERE. I mean EVERYWHERE.

All over in yahoogroups...in emails...and I posted them no less than 2 times.

Yet the only person who called besides my mum was youjie.

Youjie. And that's partly bcos' he's used to calling his gf with his phoenix line.

I probably dun deserve any extra effort from anyone. Not even my friends.

I suck.

Winter Sonata (when will this end?? ;P)

Hahaha...cuiling made a comment last night that I'm diggin my own grave by watching this kind of shows. It's an exaggeration lah but it's pretty true. Cos' after watching it, I can't help but be enveloped in this aura of sadness and depression.

I think Bae is TRULY a good actor. I can see all the pain and confusion via his eyes. You Zhen is not too bad considering how she cries so effortlessly! I guess credits should go to ALL actors for they really can cry!

Couldn't wake up yesterday to eat breakfast with the zwxh gang cos' I played insaniquarium till like 3am the night before! HEY! it was fun! though my fingers were sore from clicking!! ;P

I admit I had to struggle for quite some time before deciding if I wanna meet up with the zwxh ppl. It was really a coincidence cos' XP actually called to ask this "senior" to go for some bbq...it turned out to b me so she conveniently asked me along.

I was glad I went. 50 1st dates was a good movie! Much better than I expected! Cos' it's just SO SsO sweet!!! =) I teared at a few parts too...love can be so heart-wrenching and heart-warming!!!

I sat beside him, but it didn't make a difference really. I'm glad. We're friends! In fact, through the little time we had as a group updated one another about our lives, I think we kind of found out somethings about each other.

After we all went our seperate ways, I didn't know what possessed me but I went shopping at Seiyu. I kept trying on the clothes there...mainly because there was no one around basically. decided to buy a top...then hopped by to POA. Bought something else on impulse...then decided it was time for me to go home.

Watched 2 episodes of WS. Bathed ate my dinner then it was time for me to go meet my st nicks friends to celebrate Jacques birthday.

Sigh...wat a pressure to meet up with all my friends and ESP. the wisdom people...everyone looks so gorgeous! I'm suddenly glad I bothered to put on my contact lens.

I've always thought I was pretty just that I was too plump. Now i re-think.

Dun think i'm cut out to be someone pretty. Perhaps I should work on my character instead.

We ate ALOT ALOT of cake...(At Baker's Inn. What to expect?) Then well...Jacques is like the SWEETEST thing ever...she's practically Oozing sugar! =)

Actually it's nice to see everyone looking so good. SO many of them are working now it's like we're suddenly a whole different "class" of people meeting up.

From laughing little girls to working class women...but still...we're boisterous. Shouting exclamation marks when we see our friends approaching.
bwahahaha...

Jacques was really nice cos' I felt paisei giving her the kimono top when others gave such fabulous presents...I guessed my embarrassment showed on my face..but she thanked me sincerely for it and said she loved it...I was so touched.

Had a little chat with Cui on the train. She commented abt how kids played with toys and adults played with feelings.

How true. I knew it but having said it out explicitly...it just hurts and I suddenly felt very sad.

How terrible it is to grow up. To become all sensible to the point that it's almost "cold".

Despite all that.

We're growing up.

Winter Sonata AGAIN

This show is making me angry.

I believe now that true love needs no "sorries". At least not as many as Xiang He and You Zhen say to each other...it gets on my nerves.

I also truly believe in what I had been advocating. I'm not going to choose between someone who loves me or someone whom I love. True happiness has to be when both parties love each other.

Why would Xiang He wanna destroy himself in order to keep the body of a woman beside him? A woman who never loved him at that.

Is he mad?

Yes, love is illogical. He loves her. But what good will it do to destroy her whole lifetime of happiness just that he will NOT lose her?

Is he certain that he'll be happy? To see someone's face being sad and dopey his entire life? What was he thinking?

Min Heng is different. He lets You Zhen decide her herself. He makes known his love and gives her the freedom to decide.

It is an amazing thing. Love is selfish yet selfless at the same time.

It is selfish cos' in other to be with the person you like, you might have to hurt others. Yet TRUE love is selfless...cos' if you really love that person. You dun really have to "own" that person. You should only hope that he/she is happy. I mean...what's the point of keeping a sad person by your side? If you really love him/her, won't it make u sad that he/she is sad too!?!?!?

I never could really comprehend why is it that people who love each other cannot be together. So they are really bonded by circumstances. By OTHER crazy people.

This is frustrating.

Though I dunno what true love is.

exciting monday

Wasn't prepared to do anything at all....woke up late (about 9?) and felt REALLY sucky cos' my bro and I　were actually supposed to wake up like REAL early to make breakfast for mummy.

Set alarm, I think I woke up, switched it off, SMSed my brother whose bed was just like less than 3 meters away from mine to wake up...then lost conscious again. Bwahaha...what a loser.

So obviously, my mummy went off to work without OUR bf. In fact, she woke up late too and had to rush off.

It must be the fact that we were watching Winter Sonata last night. Just completed episode 9, dunno when will I ever complete it?

Then I logged online, FINALLY completed my online resume and sent it proper to a few companies...found out that I was up with ALOT of competition, then I received a sms. An opportunity to teach English at Xiao Zhang's tuition/child-care centre! Lucky I had no plans...I jumped at the chance, was glad to know that I was going to teach Chinese kids (keep thinking that I've an affinity with them) but yet I was quite nervous at the same time.

By the way, I got lost trying to find the place...walked a whole damn lot under the scorching sun. I must be dumb cos' I didn't utilise my umbrella!!!

I sat there watching a lot of kids screaming and running all around me...Boy is it scary.

But my lessons went OK I guess.

2 teenage boys. One 14 another 16. Both from Fujian, proficiency level...can't really judge. Probably less than P1?

1 girl. Gear from Bangkok, Thailand. She's a lot smarter than the girl I used to teach. Think she can handle P3 stuff rather easily.

That's the problem. When I translate for the guys, the girl just get so restless cos' she basically knows the answers and doesn't understand Chinese. Doesn't help that she's super cheeky and very restless. Forever running about and talking non-stop about irrelevant things. But she did tie 2 very nice plaits for me and I kind of like her still. I hope the 2 boys will open up more and be more confident. Seems like they are not very willing to speak.

I mean...it's not even confirmed that I'll get the job. I'm having very mixed feelings about this. One hand I feel like I should be earning some income. Yet I know I'll be stressed cos' I really hope that these kids will learn something and make all the money spent worthwhile. They attend a full day school at the centres! Are not enrolled in local schools yet! The girl should do ok...but the boys! I think they need an intensive crash course! Else how can they survive???

I dunno...sigh.

I let them off early when I completed what I was supposed to do. Then went off to Bugis Village to purchase what I wanted to get. Got the skirt after ALOT of deliberation. Forsaked the slippers for the time being, and bought cheese sticks!!! Hhaha...I act like I've got my pay! Sigh...Actually I'll probably spend more than I earn lah...but earn some better than earn none!

Came home, changed out then rushed to the CC to register for Aerobics...it was quite fun! I mean...not like really fun fun but I felt good cos' I had a workout but not OVERLY strenuous so I was feeling comfortable. But sigh...I was so much fatter and in some aspects, even more unfit than the aunties there! I'm so can1 kui4!!!

I looked at myself in the mirrors. I've got potential to be a beauty! I'm not ugly at all! Just fat and flabby and totally unfit.

Sigh...

Urban Escape Dry Run!!!

All right, enough of all those soppy stuff! Time for something more lively and fun!

It was UE's Dry Run today! I was pretty excited though it was a mad rush in the morning to try and reach Pasir Ris asap but I actually made it in about 40 mins! ;P It was a miracle cos' despite waking up early, I left the house late but the bus ride to Aljunied Mrt only took 10 mins!

Of cos'...it's due to the fact that no one in the right mind is up so early on a Sunday Morn...;P So the bus could speed on the roads!

I spent alot of time in a pavilion at the Mountain Biking Trail. Never knew such a trail exists in Singapore! Despite that...got slightly burnt cos' of the simply SORCHING sun and the lack of sunblock plus jumping around under the hot sun giving participants instructions and circling around the pavilion area trying to cycle on gravel and not to fall down.

A few interesting things that happened:
1. I mistook a few outsiders for route testers but eventually managed to "sell" the event to them. They were there for stunt biking...;P
2. I tried to read and to listen to radio but everytime i do that...someone impt would appear. So i'm still stuck at the 3rd person.
3. There are countless insects within the pavilion, esp lizards which look so unlike the ones we see at home we decided they were geckos.
4. I made a new "friend" who came to help out at my station. She's Jovan. quite a jovial person! =)
5. Hazel stunned be by asking me: "So is your boyfriend coming to NUS"??? I was...(face with 3 vertical lines) But I soon cleared that misunderstanding. Haha...I guess that's what u get when u dun get in touch.
6. We gossiped as much as we can so long as there are common people we know and exchanged interesting information.
7. Quite a lot of familiar faces appeared today! I saw AILI, Clement, Weijie and etc etc etc!! Clement took a long time to recognize me...his team (With Weijie) turned out to be "legendary" cos' they were SO pia they came in as the best timing amongst 14 grps with alot of sports club people! They were almost running around the place...i'm proud of them! =) Though I can't help but tease them regarding their "lover's outfit" (They bought identical bright orange nike tops and wore similar shades! Drew alot of attention!) They are as clowny as ever. These colourful people brightened up my day.
8. Sat around (mainly in the shade) ALOT, ATE alot... yet came home sweaty and sticky.
9. Sat in a pick-up!

Can't think of anymore now...will update if I can suddenly remember! ;P

Currently watching...
Winter Sonata

Yes. My brother bought the set of original Vcds as a Mother's Day present. I was pretty shocked when he mentioned that he wanted to buy a Korean Drama and being "half-selfish" (cos' though I'm sure my mum wants to watch, I'm more than happy to get my hands on the Vcds), I suggested this.

Only at episode 8. But Min Heng keeps saying such sensible stuff I'm thinking the scriptwriter is somewhat of a genius when it comes to punchlines.

“当我发现不再爱一个人的时候，我认为应该尽早跟她说。虽然在那一瞬间会很痛苦，但对她的伤害会减少。提出分手其实不只是为了她，也是为了我， 让我的心里减少负担。。。”

Sigh...as expected, the chinese characters still can't be seen. To bad...I've gotta try and translate the above though I always feel less adequate expressing myself in English.

"I think it's best to let the person know as soon as I realised that I no longer love her. Yes, It will hurt alot at that moment, but it will minimise her pain and the hurt that she would be subjected to. The break-up was not only for her, but also for me, so that I can be relieved of the heavy burden in my heart..."

From him, I feel like I can finally see some light and finally be able to understand someone better. Actually I've been through it. It's really sucky when someone no longer loves you. I thought I saw myself in Cai Lin. The irritable and appalling and thick-skinned Cai Lin who stoops to all means to try and keep Min Heng by her side. Yes, she is a pitiful character in a sense, but she should have more dignity. But well, at least I think i'm luckier than her.

I can't help but feel that she never had his love. But at least I'm sure I had experienced true love. It just didn't last. But at least it happened.

I'm consoled.

Love?

I went to bed crying last night. After watching another 2 episodes of Winter Sonata. Not that it's exceptionally touching. In fact I was SUPER irritated by the male lead in All In (Ren He) and one of the guys in WS (Xiang He). (Recognise the similarity? it's the Hes! ;P)

But anyway, yeah...I din understand how come Ren He didn't look his gf up after he regain consciousness despite the fact that he had "disappeared" and caused his gf grieve and pain for 8 mths. Didn't he promise that he'll never leave? Didn't he think that his gf might still be waiting? Y did he choose to b in such pain and ruin himself instead? Was he afraid of causing her MORE pain? (Which is unlikely now that he's got a new life!) Or was he afraid that she might have forgotten about him? Arrgh. Pek cek.

Xiang He! That stupid man...hates the fact that his fiancee still remembers her first love, knows that she'll probable NEVER get over him, yet still wants to marry her QUICKLY so that he'll not lose her.

How can U lose someone when you didn't even have the whole of her initially? Y carry on the relationship when all you think about is "fear of losing"? It sucks.

I guess I forgot how love is...really. But ok, back to my crying. I cried, cos' I was reminded of certain things.

WS's male lead (Junxiang / Minheng) was right. When you love someone, you do not need a reason.

I was sitting on 151 and a hwachong couple came up the bus. I only assumed that they are...not like there's any hanky-panky...the guy (who's most prob fr CS) was going on and on about script-writing. Thus I couldn't help but recall the past.

I am convinced that I was truly in love. Despite being 17. But I think only the truly innocent loves whole-heartedly.

I recall that I couldn't really tell y i like YH. But I had lots of reasons to dislike him. His mood swings, his hyperactiveness, his over-abundant affections for girls...Yet I fell for him hopelessly.

Of cos, I saw alot of good in him, but I couldn't really say what. It was after we broke up that I could probably list a LONG LONG LONG list on how he'll make the best bf ever.

How weird.

Btw. I have a new inclination for someone now. But it's unlike my crushes cos' it's not making me happy.

I think it's cos' I saw too many similarities.

A dark, slim and small frame. Handsome face. Nice eyes. The mega-watt boyish grin that is so endearing. The cheekiness of a boy at heart. The childish bickering nonsensical side. The naughty side who likes to tease but is actually the nicest of all guys cos' he'll b the first to help.

I hate all these similarities. It hurts. Esp. when he knows alot more girls out there...who are sweet, slim, pretty and sporty.

Just like him. Sporty.

Why can't I just fall for someone fat, lazy and loves to eat?

WHY?

I wish...I could cry...

Maybe sometimes...we never truly break free.