Love?

I went to bed crying last night. After watching another 2 episodes of Winter Sonata. Not that it's exceptionally touching. In fact I was SUPER irritated by the male lead in All In (Ren He) and one of the guys in WS (Xiang He). (Recognise the similarity? it's the Hes! ;P)

But anyway, yeah...I din understand how come Ren He didn't look his gf up after he regain consciousness despite the fact that he had "disappeared" and caused his gf grieve and pain for 8 mths. Didn't he promise that he'll never leave? Didn't he think that his gf might still be waiting? Y did he choose to b in such pain and ruin himself instead? Was he afraid of causing her MORE pain? (Which is unlikely now that he's got a new life!) Or was he afraid that she might have forgotten about him? Arrgh. Pek cek.

Xiang He! That stupid man...hates the fact that his fiancee still remembers her first love, knows that she'll probable NEVER get over him, yet still wants to marry her QUICKLY so that he'll not lose her.

How can U lose someone when you didn't even have the whole of her initially? Y carry on the relationship when all you think about is "fear of losing"? It sucks.

I guess I forgot how love is...really. But ok, back to my crying. I cried, cos' I was reminded of certain things.

WS's male lead (Junxiang / Minheng) was right. When you love someone, you do not need a reason.

I was sitting on 151 and a hwachong couple came up the bus. I only assumed that they are...not like there's any hanky-panky...the guy (who's most prob fr CS) was going on and on about script-writing. Thus I couldn't help but recall the past.

I am convinced that I was truly in love. Despite being 17. But I think only the truly innocent loves whole-heartedly.

I recall that I couldn't really tell y i like YH. But I had lots of reasons to dislike him. His mood swings, his hyperactiveness, his over-abundant affections for girls...Yet I fell for him hopelessly.

Of cos, I saw alot of good in him, but I couldn't really say what. It was after we broke up that I could probably list a LONG LONG LONG list on how he'll make the best bf ever.

How weird.

Btw. I have a new inclination for someone now. But it's unlike my crushes cos' it's not making me happy.

I think it's cos' I saw too many similarities.

A dark, slim and small frame. Handsome face. Nice eyes. The mega-watt boyish grin that is so endearing. The cheekiness of a boy at heart. The childish bickering nonsensical side. The naughty side who likes to tease but is actually the nicest of all guys cos' he'll b the first to help.

I hate all these similarities. It hurts. Esp. when he knows alot more girls out there...who are sweet, slim, pretty and sporty.

Just like him. Sporty.

Why can't I just fall for someone fat, lazy and loves to eat?

WHY?

I wish...I could cry...

Maybe sometimes...we never truly break free.