Search

I am just Me. Am I?

Saturday, November 23, 2002

Sleepy

I didn't feel like doing anything but sleep and eat the whole of Friday. When i finally woke up this morning, I kept wondering if it was Saturday or Sunday and if i missed meeting my friends.

Have been pondering about the question regarding "Who I am". Thought about the changes I've undergone, from the domineering Primary school prefect, to the corny and happy motherly "bear" of Secondary school, bubbly and loud JC girl, to this meek and low confidence Uni student...

What a change. Though there were times throughout my life, i doubted my self-worth and all, but i think the broke-up with my first boyfriend dealt me such a blow that i never really recovered from. And it's not just him, really. It's also the A levels. I used to be able to pride myself for having good grades, but that totally changed when i went to Hwachong too...hmm, the working experience also helped made me meek and submissive, but i was happy being that way. Though it does bad things to my ego...

So what should i be now? i miss the fun and giggly me, but i don't even dare to laugh too much now...am too embarrassed. Hong Ying tells me to listen to that voice...sigh...would you mind helping by speaking louder? I can too easily suppress that voice...

I will be loved for being ME one day. I hope someone can appreciate that ME soon...

Friday, November 22, 2002

Another day on the streets

Went back to town once again, but with a mission this time, to get my room mate's birthday present. Can't believe how difficult and stressful it is to buy a present...haha, cos i've gotta be accountable to a few people you see. It was pretty tiring walking around from orchard to somerset then back again. And surprisingly, i hardly saw things which i really want to buy. Finally decided on a cushion and a gift set from body shop. Bought myself a top from Topshop as well. Sigh, if only i was taller or slimmer, totally fell in love with this pair of jeans from Miss Selfridge which was too long for me...sigh..it was going at half price! Byt the way, i felt quite good meeting up with Baohuan and Huimin after so long. Though i do not know some of the things they talked about, but it was a nice and relaxing experience nonetheless, cos there's no need for pretense in front of your good friends.

Things were alot more happening after i came back to hall. Had a rather crazy time planning my room mate's birthday celebration. Though not many people were around (since exams are pretty much over), we had alot of fun! Am glad that i tricked her crush into signing a card for her, alone, and made her take photos with him. Guess she was really happy. And my crush came into our room again. He had no choice but to sit on my bed...and i was so happy he did. He likes to come down to "relax". I know i'm not the reason but i'm still glad all the same..

Haha...it's still the same old thing which i hope for...

Someday my prince will come...=)

Thursday, November 21, 2002

Mixed Feelings

After a nap, i finally stepped out of Nus, into town as a "free" person at last! As usual i felt rather odd amongst the young punks on the streets. This is really an awkward age to be man...

Finally met up with Wenxu and Jacques after so long, found out many things from them, and as usual, wenxu never fails to inspire me with all her "future planning". Sending out self-recommending letters to firms in hope of internships so as to better secure a job upon graduation...why didn't i think of that?

It's really time i start planning for my future, rather than be worried that my crush might fall for my room-mate instead or such trival things in life...

But why do i have such a short memory? Hope this "inspiration" will stay with me and motivate me for a longer while...

At least enough to make me study harder...we women can depend on ourselves and not rely on men! And i've got to study hard to repay my mother whose been seeing through my education since i can't get a scholarship...

Wednesday, November 20, 2002

Photo-taking

All right now, let's recollect what has happened last night...haha...i can't stand myself. Forever so disorganised and used to NOT doing things on time.
But well, at least i do it later, like trying to pen down how i felt yesterday NOW...hmm...let's see.

My hall mates and i had alot of fun taking silly pictures last night! WIth all our soft toys and all. We'll be moving out of our present hall very soon. Will definitely miss this place, with all the trees just outside my window and the frequent flies, moths and other creepy crawlies....

Oh! And the best thing that happened to me last night was that my crush sent me an icq message wishing me good luck for my last paper...

heh...he knew...somehow. =)

D-day

It's finally over.
Didn't think i was much of a mugger. Perhaps i'm really not. Questions were "do-able" PROVIDED i memorised the text...rather, know it better than just reading through it once...
sigh...i mean, it's only a warning letter right? My roommate said:"well, it's not like it's an expel letter."

Yeah, i agree. =P

Tuesday, November 19, 2002

The cat is killed

Out of sheer curiousity, i asked the guy who declared a crush on me the reason why. I was told that it was probably because i was cheerful and that things seemed to liven up with me around...the last time another "fell in love" with me...it was because of my smile...

Perhaps i do have the capacity to be a cheery and happy person despite all my miseries.

But when will someone i fancy fall for me?
haha...

One More Day

only one more day till the end of my exams.
I just can't wait!

TOUCHED

I've always had this thing for soapy romance shows.
Be it be Qiong Yao, Korean or Jap serials.
This time, it's Zhen Shi, which is screened every Sunday mornings on Channel 8.
The kind of love that demands nothing in return, against all odds and...most importantly, LASTING.

I don't know if i'll have the fortune to be loved by someone to that extent. But for now, i choose to believe in it.

And hope that it'll happen to me...

Someday.

Happy Day
Yo! Disappeared for a few days so i decided that i must do something before the search ends even before anything has been found!

Saturday in KR was quite cool! I could only recall watching tv via my laptop, sleeping, eating out at Fong Seng, then putting on face mask whilst watching Temptation Island.

It was hilarious seeing 4 other white faces sitting beside me looking intently at the TV. I couldn't help but burst out laughing...

sure hope that won't give me wrinkles! =P