I am just Me. Am I?

Saturday, June 19, 2004

Dunno what's got into me lately.

Nothing I suppose, just have been too tired working.

It's like, when I'm alone in the office. I'm plagued by guilt for having nothing much to do.

Then someone sms to ask if I was free on Fri. It's weird how I didn't think twice b4 agreeing to it. Cos' it wasn't all that convenient, esp since i've got a meeting in nus at night.

Struggled 4 an entire day before plucking enough courage to ask for half day off on Fri. And it was precisely on that day that suddenly I seemed to have SO many things to do!

Left for Cine to go Kbox. So many years have passed. A new ktv has emerged. So many new songs. I can't remember when it was the last time we all got together to sing. But I recall those days when the entire room would sing together. Now only those with the mikes sing. And everyone has improved. With countless ktv sessions I suppose.

I feel very out of touch.

Who likes this song? What do they think of this new singer? I'm lost, but others have been keeping up.

I'm just an outsider really.

Thought I would be feeling many things. But actually no. In fact, i think most of the time i was "pressing" myself to be "feeling". But no. Every time we meet the feeling gets lesser. Good or bad i just dun seem to feel it as strongly anymore.

Was REALLY tired by 5pm. Everyone can sing really well. I'm impressed. It seems like i'm the only one who's incapable of singing solo. My voice is just powerless. I closed my eyes and listened. Wonder why it is that I teared. Is it the song or the singing? I dunno...i guess i'm just tired.

Got back to the meeting really late. But I really wasn't needed actually. Nothing seems to be going right for me.

I didn't complete my work.

I made people unhappy cos' I didn't work for the 2nd consecutive Sat cos' of some arts fest show which I am not exactly all that enthusaistic about.

I hate feeling like i'm useless and irresponsible.

Should be doing my part for the follow up for UE.

Should be doing work.

Should be working on my diet.

I'm actually more bothered by the fact that even my FACE is ballooning...what's wrong with me?

What's wrong?

Stop thinking funny thoughts and start acting.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

I'm full of angst lately.

like this morning. Felt that i was having a stomachache so went back home. the second time i stepped into the lift, someone else before me had already stunk up the entire place with his/her cigarette! How inconsiderate! I of cos, almost died of suffocation thus was really impelled to scold e F word.

Bummed into a lady but reached the bus stop just to see 151 leaving. felt so shitty until. the next bus came within 5 mins and it was air-conditioned!

Had lunch just now. Chinese dumplings with ALOT of vinegar plus garlic PLUS orange yoghurt drink....ABSOLUTE HEAVEN. Some more I spent my morning, doing nothing much in particular again.

Maybe my life isn't so woeful after all. ;P

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

At work

Today's one weird day at work. felt uncomfortable the whole time. Was stretching my neck, looking around, really afraid that my colleagues would catch me doing Nothing.

In fact, most of the time...i really was doing nothing of much significance.

Spend the morning doing research on China. Afternoon on the universities...but still felt insecure.

It's a wonder my neck didn't sprain. Bwahaha...

Tried to look for my ex crush K on friendster today. Looked through 1000 people in the gallery. I can't help but marvel at my patience...but no I still didn't find him.

But I did see a few cute guys...there was this RL person from Vj, and he sails!!! OMG! He looks so cute!!! And well, all radiant and sunshiny! I like this kind of guys!

I think I should learn to love the outdoors more then!

But then again, I managed to watch abit of the new 9 o'clock show on Channel 8. Think that i'll like it. And suddenly, this idea just flashed across my mind.

I would like to marry a doctor! Bwahaha...guess I'll never know who i'll marry.

At least, not within the next 5 years.

To cont. the story of the women. Well, besides for abortions, she also lends out rooms to prostitutes to earn rent. Like HY said, she's got business sense. Thus she was rich in "bad" times, started to eat good food, dress up...and...cos' she has no love for her husband, she eventually committed adultery with this REALLY cute crane driver. Bwahaha...yes...crane driver, but with connections, that's why he wasn't sent to war. This women got a little haughty, and at some point of time, seemed so money hungry, she appeared ruthless, despite her angelic face. She hired a maid, to clean the house, perform the abortions (got guilt-stricken somehow cos' someone died), and well...even wanted the maid to sleep with her husband.

The useless husband, on the other hand...had been putting up with all her nonsense cos' she was bringing in the bread, but couldn't take it when he saw her in bed with the lover one night, and set about doing decoupage, came up with a letter to the commissioner revealing his wife's "horrible" deads.

And just because the women lived in those times...when war defeated France needed to "correct" its morals...she was sentenced to death. Just like that. Come on...the judge was like So BIAS. Talking about the "filth" and all.

Some women REALLY had to go through PAIN, all through pregnancy, labour and after birth, the bringing up of children.

Why would there be prostitutes if the MEN didn't have their "needs" to satisfy? In fact, I think prostitutes are a better alternative than nothing! Imagine the increased number of RAPE that might happen without such an avenue! At least these girls are paid for their services and not FORCED.

I was so put off by this whole tragic show...and not like the women was morally upright, but i had to admire her for her courage at times.

Oh yeah...and throughout the show, she had this son whom she called ugly ducking.

He grew up in a quite messed up environment i should say. Saw his mum inject soap water into vaginas, saw his mum flirting around with another man and was bullied by the other kids who mocked at him after his mum was put to death.

Therefore, the moral of the story was, "Do not despise those children whose parents were condemned".

True. There might be so many reasons. Politics for one.

To think that I wanted to go into politics once upon a time.

Une Affaire de Femmes

Watched this French movie last night. Going to Alliance Francaise at 7pm was rather silly. Well, first I lost my way and ended up at KK. Bwahaha...and well, we ended up listening to a french lecture about the history of French music and laughing at the MTVs. Missed Hossan Leong's performance cos' we were too hungry.

Ate at Newton's Circus. Food's good! But ex nonetheless. Grilled Chicken wing is marvellous and J's face was pretty funny when she found out that her SMALL chicken Murtabak costs her $5!

We were told that the French movie was on adultery. Honestly I imagined a sensuous sort of movie. wrong can i get?

It's a movie set during the WW2 if i'm not wrong. But it wasn't about the war. It was about the life of this woman, who wasn't satisfied with her life, made her fortune performing abortions for women who's husbands were either sent to Germany or for one reason or another, didn't want their babies. think that I was prepared to eat my Bao and have a relaxing half an hr before I knock off.

Got work to do!

Cont. later! ;P


You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make
sure your partner can feel it! Done artfully,
it can be very satisfactory if he/she is into
you playing the dominant role MEORW!

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


It's weird that my bosses are not giving me stuff to do.

And that my sup has not report for work yet.

So here I am reading the online newspapers.

So now I know that the first mobile phone virus is found.
NS stint would be cut for 6 months! (Good for my bro and his gf!)
And that Singapore treats our foreign workers real bad.

I feel weird and "threatened" that there's so much movement around me...

Shuhui be busy busy.

Well, I guess with only 3 questions...the variations can't be that great! ;)

I am a cool 12 years old Jealous???
My Inner Age

brought to you by Quizilla

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Bad day

Nothing really terrible happened. But I just kind of know that it won't exactly be my day.

Woke up at 6am for no particular reason except for the fact that I didn't know the time cos' my hp not beside my bed. Went back to sleep after I brushed my teeth.

Came to office, was feeling really hot at my bus stop but later felt cold in the office. Got about doing my work. Miraculously was NOT hungry, not didn't go make coffee or anything like that.

At about 11am. Thought that I was really weird NOT to be eating (Might be because of the papaya and the half cup of soybean in the morning?) so i opened my bag of raisins.

Then Z gave me a butter cookie, and i ate a slice of bread with ham after drinking a cup of honey.

FELT so TOTALLY grossed out after that. Might be because I ate without feeling a tinge of hunger. Or that I'm too bloated...or that I'm simply very uncomfortable cos' of my period. But whatever it is...i really wanted to puke alas I couldn't.

Thought of going to Clementi during my lunch break. But I bummed into 2 of my bosses at the toilet one after another at 12:30. Wow....lunch hour was EITHER 12-1 or they must think that i'm weird...gave up the idea and took bus B to Biz instead. Wanted to da bao Western. Found it closed...ate Noodles from the Beijing store instead. Guess what? I actually felt better! After all the vinegar and garlic! The taste is still in my mouth and I like it!!! Bwahaha...though i would have preferred to eat wanton (which they happened to dun have today)

Gobbled down my strawberry yoghurt cos' my bus came...and now i'm back in office feeling fat once again. Actually the feeling is not as strong as it was a few days back lah. It should be the "bloated" feeling a poor female gets once a month.

Anyways, finally got to go for my aerobics classes at the C.C last night after missing 3 weeks of lessons! It's not too tough! But I was tired! Am so totally unfit after a few weeks of immobility! Gotta start moving! =)

And maybe I should consider a diet of some sort...will read my little book of diets later...

French movie once again later! Yeah! Must find a time to watch Troy also! Even though i'll have to watch it alone...I'd still go.

Monday, June 14, 2004

Urban Escape

Yes...the sports event I was involved in, happened. On Sun, 13th June.

Sat I woke up all groggy and was thus late to meet R and M at northpt. It was pretty funny cos' i was supposed to brief them about the event yet I didn't manage to print the stuff out. And R almost finished her lunch.

So after being with them for abt half an hr. I left for Pasir Ris. Reached finally at 3pm and hung around. Tried to help in whatever I can and well, had a very nice chat with Aili when I was sitting around looking after the bags. When Aili left, I had some time alone. Went to sit on stone facing the sea and just sat there, letting the wind blow at my face, listened to 93.3, the loud chatter going on amongst the huge group of guys sitting near me. When I was younger, my classmates and I used to do that. Sit by the sea at night, chat, and sang...those were the times. The age of innocence. Too bad it's gone.

Well, didn't have much time to be with myself before we had to gather. Bathing at Pasir Ris was pretty much a horror! My shower head was SO strong, the water sprayed all the way to the door! So I either had to stretch my hands real far...OR I would lean forward to press, then hurriedly lean back to "catch" the water! was terrible cos' the water flow only sustained for a SHORT while so I just kept leaning forwards and backwards...and of cos' i ended up flooding the toilet. Not that I can control it...most of the water was aimed at and beyond the door!

We sat around waiting for the guys to come back, drank Milo and finally slept at about 1am. Well, we slept on top of ponchos and ground sheets laid on the stage under a huge tentage. It was uncomfortable, i expected that. So I just kept waking up. Cos' of the noise, the coldness! (fan was blowing at me) and of cos...the DAMNED mosquitoes! Hope they die of overeating!'s been a LONG LONG time since I got so many bites! No less than 20! All over my arms, hand, fingers, and esp. my legs! Sigh...having a mosquito coil burning next to my feet didn't seem to work. And I applied the repellant too late.

Sunday came. Lacked sleep, but well, was all geared for the day! I loved the pink sunrise at the Biking Trail =)

Had difficulties setting up the tentage. Therefore was late at putting up the questions. I didn't manage to give out instructions cos' I had to be back to sign. We didn't foresee the fact that participants might not bring their pens. Original jobs allocated to R and M had to be re-shuffled. But all went okay in the end. Thanks to my CAPABLE friends and E. I think I'm really pretty useless. I can't make decisions, I'm not organised. Well, pretty much just plain useless. But i'm LUCKY. cos' i've capable people assisting me! Haha...maybe that's how it's been all along. I'm never as capable as I imagined to be.

I didn't command the packing of the goodie bag. It just happened cos' everyone was there to give ideas and help.

Same for the Biking Trail. I was often told what to do. So much for being the station master. But actually I din mind. I felt fortunate to have so many smart people around me really. We all managed to kind of "settled" the cock ups. And I hope my friends had some fun seeing all friends, chatting with them...and looking at cute guys! Bwahaha...oh oh...and yeah! Drinking 100 plus! OMG...I think I drank like at least 20 cans of 100 plus within the 2 days! bwahaha...

Oh..and I had stomachache in the middle of the event. Luckily this nice 1st aider (MT) took me to the toilet (which turned out to be quite near!)
MT is a really sweet girl who looks like she's in Sec sch but is actually my age and she did Food and Nutrition! Promised to help me monitor my diet but I forgot to get her HP number! =(

After my station closed. I went into the trail with M. I really wanted to. Wonder where I got my courage from. Guess I was too "high" (suddenly recalled myself breaking out into a horrible song in front of R. Hilarious. That's what I love abt being wif friends. I can be as silly as I want to.)

THE trail was TIRING! Didn't really believe R at first cos' initially it was fun! But after the slope...bwahaha...the slope was REALLY a very small one. Say...inclination of about 40 degrees? Whatever, I THOUGHT I could get past it...but no...Haha...I started to slip and So BUMP BUMP BUMP i went down the rocky slope...I was lucky I didn't roll over and fall. REALLY. but OUCH. It hurt! ALOT! I was thinking it's a good thing I'm not a guy. Would have DIED. Still I couldn't help but hop around and kept yelling to Mel that I dun wanna lose my virginity! Bwahaha...dun ask what came over me. I think I was really Mad.

I was quite tired after that. Lost control and went down the slope one but still didn't fall. I was one blessed idiot. Managed to continue and got out of the trail in one piece after alot of encouragement from M. It's a nice feel actually. I would love to go back there again. But next time, think I'ld bring a picnic basket along with me. And sit in one of those open fields inside. and just look at the sky for a while. That place is really rather special.

Was fetched back to base camp shortly after my "stunt" inside the trail. Oh yeah, I came out and told everyone about how I almost died and how worried I am about my hemen. I thought the outsiders who were hanging ard the pavilion thought I was abit weird cos' they were staring at me. But HECK.

Still, honestly, I was pretty worried. Went back. Sat around. and went to bathe at 1pm. Sos regretted it cos' I had to walk around in long pants for the next 3 hrs. Saw WD and made him treat me drinks the next time we go clubbing together! WD is really nice. Before he left he commented that my hair was happy.

I helped checked the results. Prize presentation went "smoothly" thanks to the help from WL! And yeah...I finally felt relieved. We hung ard to do the packing. Waited for the lorry to pick things up. Fell asleep sitting down...but the BEST sleep I got was on Zijin's car! Her car was VERY, SUPER comfortable! But well, felt quite bad cos we were all sticky and stinky.

Unloaded the stuff...and finally...felt for home at about 9pm on Hazel's father's car. She let me down at AMK and I took the bus home. It's lucky I didn't oversleep. I was SO very tired. Dunno from what since I didn't really run around or move too many things. Guess I was just moving along more than I'm used to. I'm such a pig;P

Came home. Struggled to watch this new korean series that my mum just bought, A beautiful life. And well, had the OTO eye massager on...and the next thing I know. It was the next morning and I still had the machine on my face. Bwahaha...DEAD TIRED.

Don't know if my blog misses me for the past 2 days.

i'm currently listening to tv and falling asleep once again. i'm so sleepy. It's the first time I really went to the toilet to sleep. Sigh...

Btw...if people ever take note of the number of times I've been to the toilet today. They'ld probably think that i'm weird.

Okie...going off first. Am late to knock off AGAIN! arrgh...tata

Tired and Cranky

I've been right about my PMS all these while. Cos' my menses just came today.

Super tired now and scratching my mosquito bites in the office.

Expected to be very tired. But didn't expect to be mosquito food.

Like eyes are fogging sucks.

Tired tired tired...continue later.