I am just Me. Am I?

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Had this question in my mind when I was watching this Korean drama on Tues.

To all my girl friends...say you were given a choice...and was told during your painful labour...that only either you or the child can be saved...who will you choose?

What a tricky question...even I cannot answer that. I mean, the "sensible" thing would obviously be save the mother because the parents can always try for another child...but...hmm...

Anyways, I had my third paper yesterday. It was pretty ok cos' I spotted all the "right" questions...but hey...I didn't study ALL that hard cos' in between were alot of neopet games and tv and what not. But after that paper...I went out ot Orchard to meet my NTU friends still. No...I wasn't trying to be funny...I had to pass my friend money to change for Euros...MY BACKPACKING trip! To think that I'll be on the plane 4 days from's actually pretty unbelievable considerin that I still have 2 more papers to deal with first...hmm...

Anyways, FELT SO SO LIBERATED and absolutely HAPPY when I saw the TAKA Christmas tree! MAGNIFICIENT! Lucky I got a glimpse of it before I leave the country! Then I saw the first $1000 of my life...yes...i'm a poor girl...and it was time for me to go SGH to visit my Pa.

Apparently there were stones in his body that caused him SO much pain he was admitted into hospital on Monday night, right after he came by NUS to pass me Chicken Essence....and I didn't even know abt it until Thursday night when I called home to talk to my mum about money matters. My dad didn't want me to know. Sigh...To think that I was there Thurs morning for my Health Screening. (To digress abit, i really think that SGH's Yong Tau Foo is the BEST I've ever eaten!)

Anyways, I was glad to see that my father generally LOOKS ok. It's just that he seems suddenly alot skinnier...and listening to him saying that he had to go through so much scanning and blood taking...I actually teared after I left the ward.

The hospital is such a sad place. Maybe with the exception of the BABY department. Fri was spent away like that...travelling, and then more game playing.

SIGH. No more time to friends are right, only a few days left and I can TRULY enjoy myself.

So pls work hard girl. PLS.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Bad girl

I've been a bad girl today.

Besides for the usual wasting my afternoon away playing games and choosing my songlist...

I also ate many foods that are on my "to be avoided list"

1. one FRIED PRAWN fillet burger at Macs
2. Abt 5 mouths of Caramel Sundae
3. One serving of Beef (chosen over fried chicken wing)
4. Curry Vege (chosen over fried crab stick)


Hmm...they're fogging the place now! reminds me of the days when R & I will go "Fuming, fuming"

Ok. Out of point.


Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Better late than never???

Why am I so insensible?

Dining hall was my fav place to mug last year. I even tried studying for the entire night there and then went straight for my paper in the day.

maybe that was how I got my B- instead of a fail or something.

But this year, I had simply refused to move...thinking that i am more comfortable and at ease in my own room...therefore?

90% of my time was wasted on me clicking away on the laptop, either watching tv, listening to songs, reading others' blogs like at least 5 times a day. Checking my email accounts at least 5 times too. Scrolling up and down my msn list, poking my nose into others' affairs, trying to find out more abt their lives via their nicks.

Then at the end of it all...blamed it on my own lack of willpower to focus. = screwing up a perfectly doable/potentially easy paper.

If I had gone down to the dining hall last week...perhaps my entire "life" might have changed.

My CAP could possibly go up a few points...instead of like now...

I think my CAP will FALL by a few points.

I finally went down to the dining hall today...and felt like I've studied...or at least absorbed alot more within a MUCH MUCH shorter time span than I would have in my room.

In my room, time just seems to pass me by without my doing anything. Eg. I can spend 2 hrs on 2 pages of they're not tough's just that I was busy most of the time either trying to keep away or playing games.

Can these few days redeem myself?

I dun really think so...but at least I've started...better than nothing right?

Ma...I'm so sorry to be such a unfilial girl. I know that I haven't been studying hard or putting in my best...I can already predict my guilt on i'm on my Europe trip...spending my mummy's money and yet not producing good results.

Sorry...I promise my final sem will be better. It BETTER be.

Monday, November 22, 2004


I know that almost for every paper, I'll end up feeling this way. But this time round it's really different.

I know I could have done it. I could have. The questions are like rip offs from the tutorials. There's no reason why I couldn't do it.

Except for the fact that I remembered the formula wrongly. So it ended up really cock.

I lost at least 25 marks for not doing or for writing things that are stamp-chopped confirm wrong.

That's like about half out of the 55 I'm supposed to get.

Why am I always like that?

I know others can score full marks for this i'm not even sure if I can get at least a C.

But I dun even want a C!!! It will pull my CAP down by so so so so so so much!

What if I fail?

I was so stoned after the paper, I wanted to scream, to cry, to tear something apart. I felt so cooped up I thought I could die...

But luckily I met Rei, after I talked to her about my fears, I teared abit...whined abit more...

Then I felt better.

Since there's nothing I can do now.

Can only hope for the best for my other papers.

Sigh...had half a Kit Kat bar, 2 slices of pizza, half of a Kaya Bread and Vitasoy.

I declare myself.

A stupid and filled up pig.

what will you do?

What will you do?

If you have less than 9 hours to your paper and you just realised that you're less than 1/2 prepared.

Yes. So what if I have looked through the notes? I just realised that when I look at all the examples, I can't remember the formulas to use.

*takes a deep breath*

It's ok. I'll sleep first.

And cry tmr...after the paper.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Love triangles?

Seems like there are a few suspicious love "shapes" happening lately. But well, let's hope that platonic friendship does exist between 2 VERY close male and female friends.


It doesn't concern me so why am i blogging?

Trying to escape from studying again I guess.


Not supposed to happen

This is not supposed to happen.

It's not supposed to be 21st. I'm not supposed to be having my exams...haha...I wish.

Actually, I'm not supposed to be playing games...not supposed to be blogging, not supposed to be watching TV.

But I'm doing all that now.

I'm starting to think that Korean dramas are quite crappy...What's with all the "U cannot/not supposed to love this person because of this and that?"???

Okay, maybe the ONLY person you're NOT supposed to develop romantic feelings should be your direct siblings...or even a near cousin because of the possibilities of deformatives in the offspring. But even so, I dun think that they should be deprieved of the chance to "love". If they can accept the fact that they should not conceive. Fine. All right, I admit that this is one selfish statement, because almost all parents would not be able to see it that way...but...what's the big deal about someone loving another because she has a heart transplant that is from the guy's first love? So what if you fall in love with your ex's half-sister?

What's so unethical about it? Isn't that what love is all about? Developing feelings, hurting others, promises are made, promises broken, hearts broken...

I mean.

I dunno what I mean.

But I dun believe that someone can live without another.

I hope I'll never be so irritating as to DEMAND that the person I should ever love to love me back, or expect him not to love another.

One cannot love to order. Really.

I must remember what I preach. Although I once thought...that if given another chance, if I could be someone else, I will try all my best to "win" the heart of the person i once loved alot alot back.

Really. I thought I would.

But now I'm glad that I didn't attempt anything majorly drastic.

I must not love someone who doesn't love me.