I am just Me. Am I?

Friday, February 27, 2004


I must be blessed. Somehow. I was SO certain that I would fail my Macroeconomics mid-term or at most pass just marginally...but guess what, I actually scored 52 out of 75! Though I fell short of the mean, which is a freaking 54.5...but I'm already VERY happy! I mean...i REALLY thought i might fail the paper!

So...that's that for my morning! Nice 1st news cos' I was braced for a horrid day ahead! Then I kept dozing off during the morn lecture...survived the quiz...(not well-done but at least I tried) and i came back to complete my tutorial. Surprisingly the second part much easier to do (or so it seems).

So right now, I'm done with all my sch work "oligations" of the week! Yeah...looking forward to an eventful weekend! With peijin's bday celeb, NTU hall bash, and Mun's bday celeb!

Wow...hee...I should be getting more rest in case I get old fast!

tata! =)

Wednesday, February 25, 2004


I went to Bukit Timah today. A senior's working at a fitness club there and I dropped by to check the place out! We had a nice chat whilst I tried out the equipment and did what was like...err..."exercise" after almost 6 months! bwahaha...

However, the main point is not abt my so-called "workout"...It was abt seeing so many "kids" around in school uniform!

I was so envious!!! It was like only 4 years ago when I was part of the gang...but...ONLY 4? or's been 4 years?!?!

Time flew by...Those were the times when we were all still in our sec sch uniforms, meeting new people, making friends, enemies, whatever...basically enjoying our prime years.

Now that I'm old, fat and ugly...wasting my life in NUS not knowing exactly what I wanna do in future, what i'm doing's not such a beautiful picture anymore.

Used to think that I still had time to think of my future...things could still change...little did I know how wrong I was...Every little decision made help mould me into what and who I am now...though I may not be very satisfied but this is the path I had chosen...

So the only way to continue on it...

Walk on girl! =)


Haha...I've no idea why, but I'm actually quite proud of myself!

Firstly, the event "pulled off" somehow, though reluctantly maybe. But well, it went through, the audience sat through it and tried to listen to the best of their ability. must have been the shortest event KRX has put up cos' after all the delaying, it barely lasted an hour! But I must admit that I mustn't have been too proud of it, cos' after being "forced" to give a speech after the play, (Nobody thought it was over maybe and refused to shift??) I didn't ask for any comments from friends...and I get all defensive when people talk to me about it. I'll basically just shove it aside and refuse to indulge anymore in it! haha...

Then I came back, with the high ambitions to write an essay, thinking that I won't be needing sleep...but well well...after reading through everything and the question once more, I'm not so sure.

True, it's easy for ANY essay will get me the extra points but I wasn't willing to compromise on the quality...or was it that I was afraid I might not accomplish my task? Still, I gave up and slept instead...

NEXT. came the exciting part! I made a friend attend this song event with me on Sat cos' it turned out that I was e only stupid one who actually BOUGHT e ticket in my now STUPIDLY i'll have to go on my own. And well well...this friend of mine decided that since he's in the group. Won't make sense if he has to pay to go.

Fine, I accept that. So he volunteered his services, and during breakfast I was told that he'll have to be there early. Reasonable. Then he said he might be in charge of't it just means i'll be there alone? WOW. So of cos' i just said...."it's ok with me" ---hidden meaning "so get off my ass NOW!" and well, being the good actress that I am, the message came across quite blatantly and apparently made him quite upset.
But I didn't care! In fact, I'm quite proud of myself!

I'm tired of being the nice girl who accomodates everyone! Why can't i throw my temper and weight around at times? I don't have to always think of others right? About what they think of we work....

Why bother??

I wanna live my life...the way I am.

Once i find out...who and what I am.

Monday, February 23, 2004


That's how I feel lately...really. I'm scared.
Scared of how the performance which I have "chaired" will turn out tomorrow.
Scared of facing my seniors who have high expectations either on me or on the performance.
Scared that I have once again overlooked something really important.
Scared that the entire event will screw up.
Scared that I have been wasting my time and not achieving anything in terms of utility, satisfaction, whether in Hall, in KRX or in my studies.
Scared that everyone will be disappointed or walk away feeling that they have wasted their time watching a crappy play.

In short.
I'm afraid of failure.
Damn afraid I am...i'm a bloody coward.
I'm so afraid I don't even wish to publicise the event in front of my block during the block meeting just now and to think that I'm the chairperson.
When people ask me what role i'm playing in the entire event, I just said I'm not acting...I don't even dare to say I'm in-charge.

Even my committee has more conviction and faith than I do.
I'm just a bloody stupid coward with no visions and no strength.
I don't want to face others any more.
I rely on others to give me instructions.
I am afraid that I'll do something wrong and make a mistake again.
Indeed...I am...I don't even get enough rest.
I'm most happy when I'm "hiding" in my own comfortable shell even when I know there are things which I should do.

I hate myself this way.

But i'm truly scared.
Does anyone understand?

My wings?

You are one of the few out there whose wings are
truly ANGELIC. Selfless, powerful, and
divine, you are one blessed with a certain
cosmic grace. You are unequalled in
peacefulness, love, and beauty. As a Being of
Light your wings are massive and a soft white
or silver. Countless feathers grace them and
radiate the light within you for all the world
to see. You are a defender, protector, and
caretaker. Comforter of the weak and forgiver
of the wrong, chances are you are taken
advantage of once in awhile, maybe quite often.
But your innocence and wisdom sees the good in
everyone and so this mistreatment does not make
you colder. Merciful to the extreme, you will
try to help misguided souls find themselves and
peace. However not all Angelics allow
themselves to be gotten the better of - the
Seraphim for example will be driven to fighting
for the sake of Justice and protection of those
less powerful. Congratulations - and don't ever
change - the world needs more people like you.

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday, February 22, 2004

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