Scared...

That's how I feel lately...really. I'm scared.
Scared of how the performance which I have "chaired" will turn out tomorrow.
Scared of facing my seniors who have high expectations either on me or on the performance.
Scared that I have once again overlooked something really important.
Scared that the entire event will screw up.
Scared that I have been wasting my time and not achieving anything in terms of utility, satisfaction, whether in Hall, in KRX or in my studies.
Scared that everyone will be disappointed or walk away feeling that they have wasted their time watching a crappy play.

In short.
I'm afraid of failure.
Damn afraid I am...i'm a bloody coward.
I'm so afraid I don't even wish to publicise the event in front of my block during the block meeting just now and to think that I'm the chairperson.
When people ask me what role i'm playing in the entire event, I just said I'm not acting...I don't even dare to say I'm in-charge.

Even my committee has more conviction and faith than I do.
I'm just a bloody stupid coward with no visions and no strength.
I don't want to face others any more.
I rely on others to give me instructions.
I am afraid that I'll do something wrong and make a mistake again.
Indeed...I am...I don't even get enough rest.
I'm most happy when I'm "hiding" in my own comfortable shell even when I know there are things which I should do.

I hate myself this way.

But i'm truly scared.
Does anyone understand?