I am just Me. Am I?

Friday, September 03, 2004

I must be mad...

It's almost 4am in the morning...and I'm not the slightest sleepy.

Must be the 3 cups of coffee I had in the day.

I am up...cos' i was trying to understand my micro econs tutorial question.

It's madness.

I still dun understand but that's not the point...the point is??

I dunno?

Time for bed!

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Horrible Daymare with a nice interpretation!

I woke up early to try n complete my financial tutorial. But by about 10am...I couldn't really tahan any longer so off to bed I went and I had a super disturbing dream.

My friends and I were in the lift. I can't exactly remember who but it seems like HR was ard cos' there's this really small sized girl.

3 of us were taking e lift in this building. this lift has this ability to supposedly tell us which person coming in which lift trip will be the "special one" in our lives. I didn't know of this previously so as we started waiting anxiously for one special person to appear....then...I can't really remember next...

Just that we ended up in this lab...and we were doing this special experiment such that the two of them had to enter a "capsule" of some start digging cos' one's bf was stuck underneath it and another's mother was there...

Then somehow...some reaction happened...and these two people just kind of like dissolved in front of my own eyes...I was distraught. Then I walked aimlessly into this travel agency kind of place to meet some people from the NOC who sarcastically asked me why I didn't attend their "lessons". So I retorted and said if you have just lost 2 friends and their boyfriend plus mother, imagine the pain and torture I'm going through...would I have the Xin Si to go for such stuff???

I think I kind of stumped them.

Still I didn't like how the whole dream went and how miserable I felt.

Was in a bad mood for a long long while until I went for class. The A+ which I got for my first financial econs tut made me happier...THEN...heh...meeting Gracia and Weitang outside LT10 who gave me a hug each made my day even better...and what completed it was...Qiyan telling me that dreaming about death actually signifies a new beginning!

That's exactly what I need...a new beginning in life!

I sure hope that's true...=)

Tuesday, August 31, 2004


I was at the toilet...when someone saw me...and said, "I didn't know you did FWOC".

I wasn't too affected this time round.

I'm used to being forgotten. It's probably my fault for having such a low profile anyways, never really gotten back the "energy" and enthusiasm after J1.

In fact, sometimes...I WANT to be forgotten.

Sometimes...but most of the time of cos' I don't want to.

Haha...the little contradictions in life.

It's been some time since I've really blogged like write down everything.

Haha...Everyone's been like so busy with their school work and yet I'm the only one who keeps on insisting on blogging so much. I wonder if my friends are bored of reading all my nonsense?

I sure hope not...

The day started off not too well...but it's got a rather nice ending!

I was awoken by youjie's phone call at 5:30...but couldn't get myself out of the bed. The next time I saw my was already 6:30...I gave up on gg to the airport.

I felt bad...but my body wasn't allowing it.

Not after so many days of super late night sleeping.

Sat I went to someone's house. Realised that I forgot where it is...and as I was walking to the bus stop, I saw the nice rather full moon...and this term just came across my mind. 月圆人不圆

Spent Sunday shopping with Joyce and Weiling! Didn't buy anything. What a miracle! Haha...

Went airport...then the whole emotional flooded process...

With the lack of sleep and roller coaster of emotions that went through my mind the entire day...I was sincerely on the brink of breakdown. Somehow. I felt like I was an elastic band, stretched to my limit already...every part of me just felt so tense, I was so afraid I would snap. I was even willing to seek professional help so long as it's not too expensive...

Luckily...I didn't. That'll save me quite alot of money! hee...;P

Came back exhausted cos' of work plus tutorial which I was happily nodding away...luckily could "get away scot-free" without completing my readings.

Then I came back, da baoed dinner and ate in my room...luckily saw Peiling and company downstairs so I went down to the courts with Peiling. There was a handball match going on and we were supposed to be having hockey training after that. Felt awkward initially cos' I didn't know alot of the A blockers...and I somehow think that the seniors have kind of decided to give up on asking me to join in the games. But all these feelings went away after the training!

I'm not good at games. I know it. But it was fun just running around with a stick! Haha...and I'm kind of trying...

Had block comm. nominations just now. What Jacky said was true, being nominated IS a privilege.

First sem I was not outstanding at all...cos' well...i'm not a very IBG person and I was pretty off for orientation.

Things changed in my second year, I uped my profile, had a few friends...and people do kind of see me around more...but I chose SEP. So I didn't contribute much to KR at all.

3rd yr kicked off to a real bad start. No IBG...i'm like a very potential phantom already.

And it's too late now if I really wanted to do anything for the hall, for the block...

I life, you gain some, you just gotta lose some.

So it's kind of Fair in a sense I guess...

Monday, August 30, 2004

Stupid me

I felt rather silly on Sat.

I spent 2 plus hours on the road. Stepped into NUS compound, but didn't meet any of my blkmates.

Travelled all the way but didn't do exactly what I set out to.

I'm abit mad.


Late night chat

Talking to peijin is therapeutic.

At least I feel alot better than being in my room feeling miserable and crying to myself.

I shouldn't be thinking too much and should start treating myself better.

There are alot of things in life that we can't really control.

And sleeping so late on so many nights in a row is not going to help me very much. I foresee that this will be a tough week ahead.

But I shall prevail.

I thought I would nvr cry over him again.

But I did.

Though I really wanted to see him off as in walking through the gates...I'm glad in the end that I didn't have to.

I shouldn't. Cos' it's time that I got over him and stop looking at him from afar or from the back.

And it's no point trying to badmouth or find excuses.

Truth was we were never compatible. And I was nvr a good gf.

After some soul-searching, it was back to the fact that I didn't make an effort enough to know exactly why some things left such a great impact to him and his life, and how "insistent" he cld b over certain issues which I totally can't agree or comprehend on. From another pt of view, it might just b that he's too narrow-minded.

But what's e pt of all these? Truth is.



move off fat butt.