I am just Me. Am I?

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Yuan4 Fu4

Haha...i'm becoming to naggy and complainy I think I'm honestly becoming a true Yuan4 Fu4...

But "popular" Shuhui just had a very "lonely" CNY. I have once again confirmed that in this entire Mum loves me the most.

Having a weird thought...I wished that my mum's 20 yrs younger...


I didn't do much today...really.

Went to Hougang Polyclinic in hope to get a meningitis vaccine but didn't cos' I had to wait too Hougang Mall in hope of collecting my contact lens only to see the shop STILL closed...(I'm starting to dislike Hougang) off to Chinatown's OG once more.

Not bad, managed to restrain myself to ONLY 2 tops...but had an interesting Linner at the Singapore's Heritage Restaurant (Note, the black pepper beef beehoon is way too salty and oily, esp. for $8, but according to my mum, the porridge is quite good...very appetising. My opinion? Dun bother, i'm a GARBAGE TRUCK. So long as there's food, i can't really tell if it's good or not so fact i'm often swayed by what others say...but just give me food and i'll pile it in...)

But ONE predominant thought kept coming back to me. The scene of lots of busy people walking around in the morning, rushing to...WORK.

*shivers in fear*

Why is the LONG LONG CNY break coming to an end so soon? I haven't fulfilled ANYTHING on my wish list yet!!! DAMN. Plus I haven't packed...(@*#*$&(@*#$^&*%*#

One week left...


Thursday, February 10, 2005

Love Horoscope

On a lighter note...

I chanced upon this article on horoscope and love life this told me that green plants and rearing a little tank of fish will aid in my "tao hua". Good...I've always wanted to have a pot of plant and some fish on my table! I will definitely get those when I'm in Shanghai...

then I noticed the horoscopes that are compatible to mine.

Leo and Sagittarius.

I just can't help but wonder...

My first love was a Leo, Kwon Sang Woo's a Leo, following my first love, my first serious crush after my failed first relationship whom I thought I honestly had a chance with was a Sagi, and he was the 1st Sagi I know off...

Actually I tend to know more Leos then Sagis...but somehow...knowing that there's this "similarity" doesn't make me very happy.

I was once "hurt" by these people before...

but still...i should give love a 2nd try at least right?

so people...if u know of any nice leos or sagis...intro them to me ya? haha *bitter smile*

A teary CNY

Yes I teared once again...

It is still very vivid. When I came back fr Hangzhou last year, I dressed up in the white top and pink skirt which I bought in Hangzhou, thinking that I look really sweet with my rosy cheeks...I was so excited about seeing my grandma, I thought she looked really good and she was just holding my hands repeating herself over and over again...we took a nice photo together.

Within a twinkling, a year has past...but this year, my grandma came down looking tired...her eyes were watery and lifting her head up to look at us seemed like a chore...her feet swollen, the purple veins showing...and she didn't even speak. I went up to her, and she looked at me with her beautiful hazel eyes for a few minutes...I looked at my grandma...I knew that she had to be a beauty 50 years ago...maybe 40...or even 30...but now...i'm not even sure if she knew who I i can't help but teared though I wanted to look happy and to wish her a happy new year.

Then i told my brother to wish her happy new year too. But he said something that troubled me.

"What's the point? Of giving her well-wishes when we only visit once a year?"

I'm not sure if he saw my tears but I was sad...really sad.

He's right, I am probably a hypocrite. Why should I bother feeling sad when I only visited my grandma once last year? When I was in Singapore the entire time, spending most of my time with my TV instead of my books...Why do I only remember her once a year? I am such an unfilial girl. I am so fact, it pained me to see her like that so I had wanted to leave earlier, on the pretext of letting her rest...when in fact, i just wanted to escape and hopefully forget.

HY was right to say that I'm an escapist. I really am. When there's a problem I would choose not to face it...then pretend that it doesn't exists and that it doesn't bother me.

Why am I so useless???

And I somehow dunno why am I still rattling nonsense here when I don't even think that anybody bothers to read...

why what how? my mind's in a mess...why is it that I've never had enough confidence? why do i dislike myself so?

My mum found my P4 art portfolio last week. In my family tree, everyone was nice, kind, gentle, funny...but when I described was "not so nice, with a temper..."

I didn't realise that I've thought of myself so lowly even in P4 already. My inferiority complex...the feeling of unworthiness...will it ever go away?

I've always wished to be someone nicer, someone prettier, someone slimmer, someone cleverer, someone better, someone funnier...

Do i NOT love myself or do i love myself too much?

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Random thoughts

Lots of thoughts had been running through my head lately. I guess it must be because of the long long holiday and it's somewhat the start of a "new year"? The chinese new year always has a greater impact than the new year for me...maybe it's cos' it's closer to my birthday so I always feel "older"? But goes...

1. Yes I know i've been talking about "dieting" ever since dunno when but deep down inside i'm afraid to commit to it. It's true...cos' I'm lazy and I dun wanna give up all the "good" food. But weight's getting out of hand. Besides for health factors, more importantly it's the "beauty" factor. I'm already 22!!! If i can't wear sleeveless or a bikini now?? then when can i? when i'm 50?!!? So..pls pls my dear friends...give me a kind still...tell that straight in my face when u see me overeating. "Shuhui, you're FAT and you can't go on like that" that'll help.

2. I cried SUPER badly when I was watching the S.H.E encore album "making" today. Their mtv for "wo ai ni" touched me so...A promise made by 2 people in love...the girl told the guy to wait for her...she had to leave for country for certain she left a box behind for "remembrance". the guy said he will stay put and wait...and told her to look for him in the school if she cannot find him. 40 yrs past. the girl is now a grandma with a loving husband and 3 sons. the guy is still waiting for her in the school...and he never dared to open the box for fear that she'll "leave" him forever. They meet up after 40 yrs...they revisited the places they've gone in the past. the "girl" returns and tells her family that she has to leave to make up to the man who has been waiting for her so as to fulfil his promise of "a lifetime". her husband understood and even bought them a all seemed "impossible" but I can't help but be touched.

I dunno if this kind of love will ever happen to me. maybe yes, maybe no. but despite all my talk abt me liking my singlehood and what not...i know that deep down inside i do want to be in a relationship, i want to love and be loved. so...dunno what my point is...haha...getting incoherent.

3. forgot what else is there that i wanna's time for me to leave for china but i am actually more apprehensive than excited. i think it's cos' of the "longer time span of 8 mths" and the fact that i'm gonna be later than the rest of my cohort and i'm so scared of being left out. plus the fact that i'm feeling "lonely" enough and i fear losing even more of my "friends" being so far away and missing out on so much! plus the fact that i KNOW i'm gonna be so darned busy in china...

what to do?

think positive! be happy!!! =)

It's afterall the 1st day of CNY!! so what if my auntie said that i'm rou rou? so what if i'm single??

I should be happy happy happy!! SMILE!!! =)

Tuesday, February 08, 2005


Happy happy! I'm another yr older!!!

... ...

U know it's bad when...

u know it's bad when U feel like a walking glob of jelly.
u know it's bad when Ur underwear which used to fit nicely are being overstretched.
u know it's bad when Ur clothes no longer fit.
u know it's bad when U dread looking at the mirror.
u know it's bad when U get out of breath easily.
u know it's bad when U are lethargic easily.
u know it's bad...

I know it's bad...;p

Vat??? ;p

Check this out people! It's the joke of the day I guess! Got quite a shock when I first saw the results but hey...I think deep down inside...this is quite telling of me! At least...the "idealistic me".

You are a Belly Dancer. You are charming inside
out, your life follows an interesting rhythem,
beautiful and smooth, you know how to be the
center of attention when you want to, you love
your friends and you can trust them on your
life. Your ideal man is the one with a sweet
witty character who understands how much
freedom is important to you.

What kind of dancers are you? (Girls only)
brought to you by Quizilla

Monday, February 07, 2005

Busy busy weekend!

Phew...what a busy and tiring weekend I had! But fun fun! I think my life SHOULD be like this! used to be like this! ;p

Sat I woke up early to see my dearest Dr Lee for the last time before I leave for China. I was given my plastic retainers, then off I went to shop shop before Joyce comes to town to meet me so that she can shop for her birthday pressies.

I tried clothes at Zara, Fashion many places I can't really remember. However, I did fall in love with a pink/yellow with a rose print tube dress from Fashion Lab which I think i'll most likely buy despite the fact that I may NEVER ever wear it plus the fact that it's ex lah...! ;p

After Joyce came, we went in search of my shoes, her watch and clothes in general! We walked in Taka, then to Heerans (for my URS shoes which turned out that ALL stores ran out of stocks after I called up each individual branches), and back to Taka to see and buy stuff. We met Kat and Weiling in Taka foodcourt! I ate Tako Pachi and Venezia Ice-cream! (which I felt didn't taste as gd as Bravisso, at least the durian lah) Btw, the point was I was SO SO upset by the fact that I couldn't buy the shoes which i had set my heart on (it wasn't even on sale!) and that the salesgirl didn't attend to me after I've decided to settle for another pair...we moved on to Charles and Keith which I was so distraught and tired i almost bought on impulse anything that was black cos' they all looked the same to me. (ordinary). Lucky i had Joyce with me so gave me sound advice and I finally settled on a nice pair! phew.

We then rushed to Far East where we met Hefen! We each bought a bag from Little Matchgirl with a discount cos' PJ's a member there! ;p After that it was really too late so I rushed home cos' I promised my mum I'll buy her dinner.

Sun was another day of "rush". I woke up, picked up groceries at the market, then left for town once again cos' i needed to buy J's present fr Hula! Ended up buying so many pairs of earrings! Heee...cos' my friends were ard mah! Then it was off to AMK's NTUC to help shop for bbq stuff! Wow...almost forgot that shopping for so many ppl can be quite exciting! In fact the last time I helped organised a "big-scale" bbq was YEARS ago when my JC class had a chalet! The bill came up to about $100 though...cos' i was looking through the receipt the other day when I was packing. J was more generous and QW and I were happily shopping for whatever we like to eat! ;p

We then went to Prima for the cake...and finally driven to Cui's place to marinate the meats. Cos' of a wrong turn, I managed to alight at Kovan, waited for my mum to come..and a second round of NTUC thus commenced cos' we had to prepare for a steamboat for reunion dinner on Tues! ;p Now...that got REALLY tiring.

Made my way to Cui's place at about 7pm. Sat ard, talked to Jacques, when the bbq food started coming out...(I simply refused to help...;p) I started to eat and eat. So I basically sat at a table with the nice NTU girls and chit chatted and ate and ate and ate. I ate till i was SO full! But the bbq stuff was nice! (Jean improved along the way!!!) Joyce's grandma's cooking was superb...and not forgetting the amazing dessert of Chin Chow plus Nata de Coco and Longan! MY GOSH. Fish, chicken fillet, chicken mushroom balls, Sotong balls, prawn balls, just goes on and on..haha...;p

But i guess the best part was seeing the crappy and "husky-voiced" everlyn meet some of the supposedly "hot" guys...and the funny ppl like WF and Chun! haha...

I had a good time laughing and eating.

My weekends should be spent like that. hee....though my mum's not very happy that i wasn't around to help with the packing.

Sorry mama.

New office!!!

Hey bloggie! My company shifted to new premises! I was initially allocated a nicely shaded seat far far away from the Managers...but well...cos' they found out that a particular seat was "baking" under the hot hot well...being the poor i am! ;p But I do not mind really...since I'll only be around for another week before I fly.

Talking about flying...@(&*$#@*&^#

I told the person-in-charge to help check for an air ticket on the 20th so that I can go for the bash on 19th. I was hoping to go on the 8:20 flight...but they happily told me that only the 20:55 one is available...biggest problem is...I'll only reach Shanghai THE NEXT DAY at 06:35! Idiot! So after some consideration, I decided that it's better that I arrive safely in the day, so that my comrades can pick me up and I can use the weekend to settle I called to confirm the Sat flight...but they happily told me that they've already cancelled my Sat flight!!!

What to do? I tried telling them to put me on the waiting list but apparently it's not going to be easy, esp. now that everyone's on leave!!!

TMD. So how my darlings? Anyone coming to send me off? It's now on Sun! Now I gotta stay "overnight" at Bangkok airport...and i gotta decide if I wanna go to Shanghai and sit in Haagen Daz for the ENTIRE day OR wait even longer in Bangkok and reach Shanghai at about evening time.

A******. Why must we fly Thai when it's expensive and we must transit and waste so much time when there are so many direct flights?!?! What's up???

TMD. The more i tihnk about it...the more I feel "unjustified".

Sucks. entry will be a "happier" one!