I am just Me. Am I?

Friday, July 08, 2005


It still feels strange that I can continue to blog yet I can't see my blog or anybody else's for that matter...

Anyways, just in case any of you are keeping up with my blog find out more substantially about my life in Shanghai...

go to instead.

I've a blog there as well...reason being I can access xanga here!

Hee...hope to hear more comments or receive more messages from my friends back in Spore! =)

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

I can blog!!!

Yes, I just realised that I can actually blog on my blogspot! Hurray! Although I still cannot VIEW the blogs in blogspot...but still! first blog is ... well ...

To be honest, it's not all smooth-sailing at my work here. I've screwed up big time somewhere somehow over here in Shanghai.

But I will survive, then I will move on! Pray for me my dear friends.

And...Please send drop me an email of encouragement at

or sms at +86 1376 175 3882

or give me a ring at +86 021 524 12346

or better still...a letter at 万航渡路 2088弄 12号 502室 邮编:200051!

That's it for now! Stay in tune!

Hope I'll have better tidings the next time round!

Dear ... ...,

Firstly I would like to thank you for all that you have done for me. I believe that you must have tried to put in as much good words as you can for me in front of others. And I also really appreciate the session we had on Saturday because it was then that I truly saw the impact of my own undoings for the past few months.

The truth was that I was undergoing a confidence crisis
(due to various factors), and after the initial "talk" we had at your house with you and ...... plus the email from ...... Indeed, like you said, I was "afraid of making mistakes". It didn't occur to me that way. I was feeling sheepish and guilty and probably quite lost, therefore I didn't exactly know what I should say or tell you, but my plans were to "play safe". Do what I am instructed to do so that no one could "find fault" with me, but I later realised, (thanks to you, ... ... and my friends) that this is not the way to "learn". The best way to learn is probably through our mistakes and given my special "position", I should make full use of my opportunity here to try my hands at everything.

Secondly, I really want to thank you for giving me a second chance. I know my greatest mistake for the past 2 months was that I was too laid back and I didn't not take the initiative to understand or to find out about the operations of V-KOOL. You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned about how I were when I first arrived and how I was feeling when I was in Hangzhou with you. I almost forgot all those feelings and ambitions that I had just a few months ago.

I want to reassure you that I recognize my mistakes and my shortcomings in terms of prioritizing and time management but I had been correcting them. I do have certain expectations of myself and had been disappointed with my own performance as well, but I will no longer be paralysed in my own frustrations. I will do my best to prove my worth during the last 6 months of my stay here. I will not hestitate to ask "silly questions". I will aim to make sense of all the nitty gritty problems and fire which both you and ... ... have to fight everyday. I will accept all criticisms and work to be a better person. You are right in saying that I may be more comfortable working with you instead of ... ..., but not everyone can choose their own boss, so I will learn to adapt to his working style and comments as well. Many a times, it is all a matter of perception and how we choose to make out of a passing comment or remark.

Lastly, I will be more confident and manage problems in a more mature and efficient manner. I must learn to take things into perspective and look at the big picture, yet not neglecting the details. I know I tend to be unable to grasp the entirety of things.

Thank you once again for taking time off to read this through.

I truly appreciate your concern because I know for sure that your concern for me is sincere. I am only sorry that I haven't done enough for you to share your burden and that I had disappointed so many with my performance thus far. I hope I will not add on to your burden any longer and that I will "grow up" fast and live up to expectations.

Please feel free to comment or to point out my mistakes because I know that I have alot more to learn in terms of dealing with people and working life as a whole.

To be a better person, I know I still have a long way to go. But with your help, it will be easier.

Best regards,

Friday, February 18, 2005

in a flash...

I really don't know what to make out of this entire week.

I kept thinking, "I've got a week, things can't be that bad, I'll be able to meet up with my friends, to pack, to do my own stuff..."

Yeah right. It's a nice "sunny" Friday...and yet I felt like I haven't packed.

Had dinner with the lishis on Tues. It was nice seeing everyone again, pity we didn't take any photos but everyone's getting prettier and prettier! Lisa spent the rest of the night plucking eye brows for some of them...and yeah...i spent a night in Rei's room chatting away on Pi Xus and China. (Cos' she just went on a trip there)

Weds was another trip to Hougang Mall. That place makes my blood boil...dun really wanna recount but upon reaching home, I immediately spent 15mins typing a 500 word complaint letter to Spectacle Hut. The 1st time I've actually Lodged a complaint though I've always wanted to. Not sure if any action will be taken but at least I feel good letting all that steam out.

Thurs...I took half day leave on the pretext that I'll send my laptop to school for repair cos' the right speaker is spoilt. Plus I wanted to go YI to get some medicine for my sore throat and "threatening" flu. Was lucky to get my laptop there in time...but waited an hr for a 2 min meeting with the doctor...who, like all doctors, immediately took an interest in my fatty neck, asking the golden question of whether i've got thyroid (right spelling?) Had to reassure her that I've taken multiple blood tests and those are just FATS! --- time to lose weight man...gotta get rid of that bulge so as to avoid being doctor "specimen" interests.

Returned library books then went out to Bugis with Rei! Yeah...finally went to the temple to pray, bought a skirt from OG, nail polish from The Face Shop cos' they so cleverly used Kwon Sang Woo to advertise and I simply couldn't resisit...SUPPORT THEM! ;p Then I met PJ, PK and HM for dinner at Thai Express! The green curry is really quite good though i'm trying hard to ignore the evident sore throat...

Today's gonna be another busy day. Dinner at Harbourfront with YK and R, then back to Hall to pick up all my left over barang barang, (I can so imagine my mum's face...MORE luggage?!!?) Plus a possible karaoke session with Hefen and com late at night? Oh dear...tmr morn got charity walkathon at MacRitchie...then back to NUS for laptop, then Zhang Lao Shi's place at 1500...KR bash...

This is madness.

And my manager just expressed his concern about nobody being there to pick me up on Monday!!! My life's in a mess!!!


Monday, February 14, 2005

Yeah!!! ;)

Yeah! Finally! Managed to fulfil 2 of my many wishes during the long CNY break.

Caught A Moment to Remember on Sat. Cried really bad. Could have been worse if I was watching it with someone familiar but was typical Korean Sappy...but this show is really not bad cos' it's not as cheesy and ridiculous as Windstruck, in fact, it is quite "realistic" and needless to say, hopelessly romantic. But of cos' something bad has to happen to one of the, but I'm still glad I caught that show! Cos' in the was obvious who just watched AMTR, everyone's eyes were red and swollen! ;p

I also bought one of my favourite childhood snacks! The Huge round "paper" biscuits. I'm not sure how to describe it...but it used to feel like i'm munching of thin paper! ;p It comes in a pack of "whitish, green and pink" colour! ;p

KTV Finally happened on Sun! Woohoo! After several failed attempts of singing with some of the "babes", I landed in Hougang Plaza's Kbox with ZR and ZW! Wow...the lunch was actually quite nice! Some unagi and fried chicken rice box. And we sang many many new songs! of cos' I was going all off key as usual, but i've once again confirmed that I am only suited to sing songs which are of a lower key...haha...;p

Had once again, a failed attempt at collecting my contact lens cos' they got the degree wrong. I've resolute not to go back to Hougang Mall again so it shall be sent to Kovan this time round. Phew...

Dinner was at SM's place! I loved the devil's eggs and all that bah kwa! And the Yu Sheng was SO good cos' there was so much raw salmon! =) Not forgetting the brownie with ice-cream and fruits with yoghurt!!! Well well...what an unhealthy week! I swore I'll piled on another 3kg within a week! I'm so glad CNY is only once a yr. I ALWAYS die in the hands of CNY. I mean, it's not like i'm already it's bad that i keep putting on the weight! And yeah...I tried jogging! Oh...what a joke! I told myself 4 rounds, and 4 rounds it was. Walked, jogged, went slightly out of breath, walked, jogged, no blood going to my head!!!

So it WAS 4 rounds, 2 rounds of walking, another 2 slow jogging...i'm SO SO embarrassed! Time to redeem myself once again!

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Yuan4 Fu4

Haha...i'm becoming to naggy and complainy I think I'm honestly becoming a true Yuan4 Fu4...

But "popular" Shuhui just had a very "lonely" CNY. I have once again confirmed that in this entire Mum loves me the most.

Having a weird thought...I wished that my mum's 20 yrs younger...


I didn't do much today...really.

Went to Hougang Polyclinic in hope to get a meningitis vaccine but didn't cos' I had to wait too Hougang Mall in hope of collecting my contact lens only to see the shop STILL closed...(I'm starting to dislike Hougang) off to Chinatown's OG once more.

Not bad, managed to restrain myself to ONLY 2 tops...but had an interesting Linner at the Singapore's Heritage Restaurant (Note, the black pepper beef beehoon is way too salty and oily, esp. for $8, but according to my mum, the porridge is quite good...very appetising. My opinion? Dun bother, i'm a GARBAGE TRUCK. So long as there's food, i can't really tell if it's good or not so fact i'm often swayed by what others say...but just give me food and i'll pile it in...)

But ONE predominant thought kept coming back to me. The scene of lots of busy people walking around in the morning, rushing to...WORK.

*shivers in fear*

Why is the LONG LONG CNY break coming to an end so soon? I haven't fulfilled ANYTHING on my wish list yet!!! DAMN. Plus I haven't packed...(@*#*$&(@*#$^&*%*#

One week left...


Thursday, February 10, 2005

Love Horoscope

On a lighter note...

I chanced upon this article on horoscope and love life this told me that green plants and rearing a little tank of fish will aid in my "tao hua". Good...I've always wanted to have a pot of plant and some fish on my table! I will definitely get those when I'm in Shanghai...

then I noticed the horoscopes that are compatible to mine.

Leo and Sagittarius.

I just can't help but wonder...

My first love was a Leo, Kwon Sang Woo's a Leo, following my first love, my first serious crush after my failed first relationship whom I thought I honestly had a chance with was a Sagi, and he was the 1st Sagi I know off...

Actually I tend to know more Leos then Sagis...but somehow...knowing that there's this "similarity" doesn't make me very happy.

I was once "hurt" by these people before...

but still...i should give love a 2nd try at least right?

so people...if u know of any nice leos or sagis...intro them to me ya? haha *bitter smile*

A teary CNY

Yes I teared once again...

It is still very vivid. When I came back fr Hangzhou last year, I dressed up in the white top and pink skirt which I bought in Hangzhou, thinking that I look really sweet with my rosy cheeks...I was so excited about seeing my grandma, I thought she looked really good and she was just holding my hands repeating herself over and over again...we took a nice photo together.

Within a twinkling, a year has past...but this year, my grandma came down looking tired...her eyes were watery and lifting her head up to look at us seemed like a chore...her feet swollen, the purple veins showing...and she didn't even speak. I went up to her, and she looked at me with her beautiful hazel eyes for a few minutes...I looked at my grandma...I knew that she had to be a beauty 50 years ago...maybe 40...or even 30...but now...i'm not even sure if she knew who I i can't help but teared though I wanted to look happy and to wish her a happy new year.

Then i told my brother to wish her happy new year too. But he said something that troubled me.

"What's the point? Of giving her well-wishes when we only visit once a year?"

I'm not sure if he saw my tears but I was sad...really sad.

He's right, I am probably a hypocrite. Why should I bother feeling sad when I only visited my grandma once last year? When I was in Singapore the entire time, spending most of my time with my TV instead of my books...Why do I only remember her once a year? I am such an unfilial girl. I am so fact, it pained me to see her like that so I had wanted to leave earlier, on the pretext of letting her rest...when in fact, i just wanted to escape and hopefully forget.

HY was right to say that I'm an escapist. I really am. When there's a problem I would choose not to face it...then pretend that it doesn't exists and that it doesn't bother me.

Why am I so useless???

And I somehow dunno why am I still rattling nonsense here when I don't even think that anybody bothers to read...

why what how? my mind's in a mess...why is it that I've never had enough confidence? why do i dislike myself so?

My mum found my P4 art portfolio last week. In my family tree, everyone was nice, kind, gentle, funny...but when I described was "not so nice, with a temper..."

I didn't realise that I've thought of myself so lowly even in P4 already. My inferiority complex...the feeling of unworthiness...will it ever go away?

I've always wished to be someone nicer, someone prettier, someone slimmer, someone cleverer, someone better, someone funnier...

Do i NOT love myself or do i love myself too much?

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Random thoughts

Lots of thoughts had been running through my head lately. I guess it must be because of the long long holiday and it's somewhat the start of a "new year"? The chinese new year always has a greater impact than the new year for me...maybe it's cos' it's closer to my birthday so I always feel "older"? But goes...

1. Yes I know i've been talking about "dieting" ever since dunno when but deep down inside i'm afraid to commit to it. It's true...cos' I'm lazy and I dun wanna give up all the "good" food. But weight's getting out of hand. Besides for health factors, more importantly it's the "beauty" factor. I'm already 22!!! If i can't wear sleeveless or a bikini now?? then when can i? when i'm 50?!!? So..pls pls my dear friends...give me a kind still...tell that straight in my face when u see me overeating. "Shuhui, you're FAT and you can't go on like that" that'll help.

2. I cried SUPER badly when I was watching the S.H.E encore album "making" today. Their mtv for "wo ai ni" touched me so...A promise made by 2 people in love...the girl told the guy to wait for her...she had to leave for country for certain she left a box behind for "remembrance". the guy said he will stay put and wait...and told her to look for him in the school if she cannot find him. 40 yrs past. the girl is now a grandma with a loving husband and 3 sons. the guy is still waiting for her in the school...and he never dared to open the box for fear that she'll "leave" him forever. They meet up after 40 yrs...they revisited the places they've gone in the past. the "girl" returns and tells her family that she has to leave to make up to the man who has been waiting for her so as to fulfil his promise of "a lifetime". her husband understood and even bought them a all seemed "impossible" but I can't help but be touched.

I dunno if this kind of love will ever happen to me. maybe yes, maybe no. but despite all my talk abt me liking my singlehood and what not...i know that deep down inside i do want to be in a relationship, i want to love and be loved. so...dunno what my point is...haha...getting incoherent.

3. forgot what else is there that i wanna's time for me to leave for china but i am actually more apprehensive than excited. i think it's cos' of the "longer time span of 8 mths" and the fact that i'm gonna be later than the rest of my cohort and i'm so scared of being left out. plus the fact that i'm feeling "lonely" enough and i fear losing even more of my "friends" being so far away and missing out on so much! plus the fact that i KNOW i'm gonna be so darned busy in china...

what to do?

think positive! be happy!!! =)

It's afterall the 1st day of CNY!! so what if my auntie said that i'm rou rou? so what if i'm single??

I should be happy happy happy!! SMILE!!! =)