About my love life

Watching Winter Sonata IS suicidal.

I felt So sad when Jun Xiang was throwing the coin, the camera and the necklace into the sea.

To throw away the memories like that...it must have been REALLY REALLY painful.

So somehow, after I finished episode 19, I turned my back and started to sob uncontrollably.

It's been so long, since I last cried myself to sleep like that. I felt like my whole body and soul was being twisted and wrenched in pain. I guess I was crying for the characters in the show. All of them. Even Xiang He and Cai Lin. Though they are not lovable characters but they have no fault. No fault in loving another. They eventually couldn't bear to see the lovestruck lead characters be seperated. It's just too painful. I cried for seperation.

Then I cried for myself. It's been so long since I last felt so lonely.

I love to cry I think. At movies, I recalled hugging HY's arms and sobbing at nobody's business as I watched Tarzan. I'm so glad I was once so loved by a friend, a senior. Later I had YH's shoulders to cry on. But now, I only have my sweater to hug. Actually no, Rei was extremely nice cos' she let me hold on to her whilst we watched Koma. cos' i might be scared.

I'm loved somehow. But I still felt lonely. It must be because of all the sad love novels and this bout of sad dramas. Or the fact that all my friends are working except for me. How sad.

Nothing to turn to anymore. Nothing to hold on to. I did try to date. Really. I recalled watching a movie with Butcher. I even made him smuggle a packet of Lays and my fav milk tea into the cinema. It was actually quite hilarious when he fished everything out of his bag, and he complained about how difficult it was to stuff it all in...

Yet, I didn't feel anything. I couldn't hear my heart beating.

If the love I seek only happens in drama. I hope I no longer sought for love. No...I don't want to. No.