Passion of the Christ

I haven't felt so tired and emotionally drained out for a long time...

I like the movie alot alot alot I dunno exactly how to describe it. Yes, the graphics are so real and bloody it's gory. Honest. At some parts I was too scared to watch or even to "hear"...But I was so moved at the same time, I've cried so so hard...it's rather silly actually, to be sobbing cos' there's no one to comfort me...but I took comfort in knowing that alot of others are sniffing along with me.

Never felt so "heart-wrenched" for some time...But it's not all about Jesus. Yes, I was very touched by his love for the people...all the pain he had to go through, all the sacrifices...(Let's not dispute about whether it has happened or is it real) But the thought of it, just the idea that someone might be willing to go through all that pain...I was touched by "humanity". Yet...there are those who are so numb to suffering, who actually derive pleasure and hurl abuse indiscriminately...I felt really sad...to know that cruelty exists...and that's Very real...the wars and different forms of sadistic punishments are testimonial...and I cried for that too...

Yet...there is LOVE. the thing that oversomes all sins and failures. The love from a Mother for her child. The love and compassion for just a person (no matter he/she is a criminal) who is undergoing torture and extreme/intense pain. The "pity" that ALL humans ought to possess...Just thinking about all that...made me cry even harder.

Of cos' there were parts I cannot quite agree...or rather...I can't quite understand. Nonetheless, I was REALLY MOVED and I really wanna share this with all my friends and hope they can watch it and experience it for themselves. Now i can better understand the christians who seem really (and sometimes overly) enthusiastic to share their religion.

But at the same time, this does not imply that I've converted. I mean...being touched is one thing. But Somehow I'm still not ready to commit. When he was dragging the cross, I wonder which was heavier? The sins and failings of human nature, or the cross itself?

I really don't know yet.

But I do pray. And I still will. I believe in doing "good" and to constantly remember never to do things to harm others. I am not one without sins, I love good food, good things and I have my own desires, selfishness and all...

But I'll always remember to show "love" and be a "good" person. What'll happen to me after I die...I really don't know.

Still i'll stick to my "faith" in love (for family, friends and even mankind) for the time being.

Still overwhelmed...