Devastated

That's how I'm really feeling now.

Quite a lot has happened lately. Let me start from the top.

I've sent an email out to NOC enquiring about the status of my application last weekend. On Monday, they sent me an email asking me to go for a third interview on Weds.

I　agreed. I　thought I did ok. I asked some questions, had a nice conversation. Then they called me up in the afternoon to tell me that I　was selected.

Then a whole whirl of emotions settled in. I really do so Want the opportunity. But questions regarding my module mapping, my graduation, my family and friends...and whether or not I can secure an internship placement? The additional cost??? Oh gosh, I was stressed. However, all these worries were kind of more or less "settled" or at least "cleared" today at the NCS briefing...but it's kind of worrying that I'll be away for the WHOLE of December cos' there are alot of things waiting to be settled...and I May not have the luxury of settling it all before Dec.

In short. I'm pretty screwed cos' of the Europe backpacking trip. Cos' there's alot of things to be done. Company interview, placement, medical check up, ABF application...visa...though some can be done without me being physically around...but at least not the medical check up!

Arrgh.

Thurs was working day. I think i'm mad. cos' I　was pretty much left alone. But I asked for work to do.

Fri. Woke up for breakfast then went to sleep immediately. Woke up feeling like a Damned Fat Pig. Off to the SEP talk,(which was probably the highlight of the day)
had a nice chit-chat with some yr 1s...managed to convince them to go China...had lessons...which I　wasn't paying attention and understood nothing.

Then NCS briefing. Found out that apparently they sent the email to the wrong Shuhui previously...didn't ask them abt my status then, cos' what's impt is that I got it in the end. Understood the "seriousness" of this program, and it just enforced the fact that by hook or by crook i've got to settle every damn detail abt this Before I leave for Europe. Darn!

At night, went for this British Play called Rumours. Initially it was quite a torture trying to understand the accent. But it got better...and I started to Really enjoy the show despite it being a tit-bit too nonsensical and noisy at times...I managed to laugh heartily.

But I guess the "downfall" of my day was the "knowing" of my Financial midterm results.

I jokingly said this morning that I'll most probably score below the medium once again since i've done it twice.

Guess what? It really happened. 15 when the medium was 16.5. I felt So totally screwed.

I've been doing my homework faithfully. I've been getting A+s for my homework. But so what? I still didn't understand. Apparently I haven't studied hard enough. But there's a limit as to how much setbacks one can take.

At this rate, my CAP is gonna be 2 something this sem. When I think about it...I REALLY just wanna cry.

To think that I told my mum that i'm not getting involved in hall, I wanna study.

Bullshit. Look at where this so-called "studying" has brought me to. What have I been doing??? Actually I know. Watching an excessively lot of TV. Not really putting my heart into studying...AND thinking too highly of myself.

I　SUCK.

Everything sucks.

If my CAP does fall so low. I Dunno what I Will do.

I don't think I can take the blow.

There's a million things on my mind.

And my bad luck doesn't end there.

I was waiting for buses 80 and 63 at Bugis...ALL other buses came, twice or thrice...so I of cos' waited for a long long time.

Then I started to wait for 62 opp Aljunied MRT. I saw 2 80 and 63 pass by before 62 comes.

This is damn sucky lah.

Is this my retribution?

So what have I done wrong this time?

I hope the heavens are feeling better now. Spare me soon.

I can't take it anymore.