Back from SLO

I just got back from SLO and I dunno how come...I just feel so much emotions I feel that I had to blog.

After so many days of MIA cos' i'm seriously tired.

I never was a person of alot of confidence. My weight, my looks...my inability to move...my academic achievements used to be a pillar for support but that soon fell apart.

I was becoming a person of little self-worth.

I din know what others thought of me being a Fwocer. But it happened last year. It did. But I don't know if it mattered to others except for me.

The pain, the tears, the struggles. I've been through it all and i'm proud of it. Though I am umhappy with myself and I know it is my fault for not being part of FWOC this year but I believe I truly love the hall.

Tonight's SLO was unexpected. Made arrangements to have supper with my HC classmates but it turned out that SLO was close to 3 hours. Amazing cos' previous SLOs were never like that. Thought that FWOC was "changing" cos' it seems like ONLY praises were being dealt out every night but it wasn't the case tonight.

All the exchange made me realised alot of things...alot...I dunno how to put them all down...I felt that sometimes I behave like an ignorant girl...all right...make that MOST of the time...perhaps it's my own fault...my own fault for not daring to speak up...for not being around...such that I feel like i'm being outcasted every where I go.

I didn't know if I really belonged to anywhere. My hip and happening group of friends from St nicks...I love them all...yet sometimes I feel like I can't join in their conversations. My best pals from HC. My friends from A blk...My Fwoc...do they feel like i'm one of them??? I dunno...

Went to hug cherlyn cos' she was SUPER nice to me last year when I was her fwocer. Prabs asked if it was some girl loving thing...I wanted to say...it was an encouragement from a past Fwocer. But I'm scared he might have forgotten...it seems like alot of seniors have "forgotten" how fwoc was like last year. But I never will.

Am proud of Don. He's so diplomatic and makes so much sense.

Am proud of Swee Yong, whom I thought will be super quiet but is now brimming with Love for KR and becoming very vocal.

Cherlyn for doing such a good job.

Am especially proud of Shai, my partner for saying so much sensible stuff.

I'm not sure if any of that is any of my credit...I doubt it...never thought I was a good fwocer.

But I love the hall...and I'll like the Master. Cos' Nick says that he's a good man. And I respect Nick.

As simple as that.