Sad day at home

As I was saying...I don't exactly know how things turned out this way. My mum and I had a HUGE dinner all by ourselves and enjoyed Korean drama and she kept me updated on all those that I've been missing out...all was good.

Actually I do know what happened. It all started with the fact that my Bro had to go support his friend fr CO n ended up having supper till about 1am. And before that my father had to come around and irritate us when we were watching tv and told my mum the "good" news about my bro's form teacher callin him at 8am this morn tellin him how BAD his results were.

Great.

I skipped Orientation...so that I can be at home to accompany my mum for dinner. No one was around and since the 30th of July was supposed to be her birthday, I thought I just HAD to be back. Actually I exchanged alot of sms with my bro in the day regarding her birthday...

And yet...the day has to end like this...in tears and unhappiness.

Cos' my brother...did do badly. COO and maybe an E8? I'm not too sure. But results are bad. And the worst part is...I can understand how both parties feel.

My mum as usual went about shooting a whole lot of things like "I dunno what u've been doing", "it's your future we're talking about"...den when my bro tries to defend himself...she'll say rather "hurtful" things like..."so your wings are tough, you can fly on your own"

Then what will follow is alot of sniffing and tears.

I hate that...makes me feel helpless.

I listened to my bro...and I can understand him...as a past student...I know. I must admit that mayb he didn't try his best. I dunno how to define best. No tv no hp no nothing except for studying? Sorry...even I can't do that. That explains why I'm in FASS in NUS and having a CAP of 3.67.

I know...and in actual fact, I think that my bro is far more sensible than me in some ways....just that he's not as lucky...he can't get away with exams like me...I know he plays the com...goes out with his gf...and I believe that he tries! Maybe not that hard...but at least he knows...

But the results...

I dunno what I can do except to talk to both sides...but I also dunno what kind of help I can give...very scared that I'll say the wrong things...

So I chose to sit in front of my com...try and type out all my confused thinkings...and listen to my mum complain...I think that's the best I can do...what a coward.

Why am I crying? At the "hopeless" situation? I dunno...my bro promised to show my mum better results...my mum complained that she never knew how he was doing...yeah...i think the problem partly lies in the lack of communication btw my bro and my mum...but that's how MOsT boys are like right? I mean...I was once rather "rebellious"...but now i know the best way is to say...tell my mum every little detail in my life...how i scored...how the rest did...how stressed I feel...how upset I felt about screwing my paper...of how I'm afraid i'll b left on the shelf...all these I say...but only recently...so I believe my mum knows me abit better...and I know how she thinks too though I may not necessarily agree all the time.

But my bro won't do that...at least not ALL the time...But...aiyah...i also dunno.

I just know that I'm feeling upset now. For myself, my bro, my mum and my family...my father is old and having pains everywhere...jobless and living off my mum.

I'm not much better. Forever worried about how fat I am and yet gorging myself on food...wasting money on stupid things and NOT earning my keep...still expecting my poor mum who's close to 60 to pay for my school fees...

And my bro...he's only 18...results not good enough for any scholarship...sensible and i believe w/o a concrete plan for his future either...and not earnin any income...

I'm starting to fear the future...I really do...

I'm tired...from working...from hall...from alot of things.....................