vicious cycle...

I never seem to be able to break through.

I'm starting to hate myself all over again.

But...fact is this time round, I constantly reminded myself an entire month ago about my upcoming exams.

Within 2 weeks I kept "telling" myself that studying ought to begin.

Throughout the entire study week, I kept reminding myself how little time I have left and that I shouldn't be falling behind schedule all the time and watching so much tv...

But nothing worked. Nothing.

Until just, when the reality REALLY hits me. Then I get all upset and it shows all over my stressed-up face and it's my neighbours who gotta bear with it all.

WHY?

Why won't I ever "improve"?? Is it inherent laziness? How can i always manage to find excuses for myself for not studying hard, then later regretting that...cos' I know that I can always do better???

Am I really that insignificant and not cut out to be something greater than what I am now? A slacker who's always wishing that she'll be lucky enough to survive the ordeals of the exams?

WHat's wrong with me??

I really dunno...