I am just Me. Am I?

Saturday, May 08, 2004

OK. Enough tests for the night.

You Are A Professional Girlfriend!

You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise!

Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro.

If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you.

You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

What Kind Of Girlfriend Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. this is something I wanna know!

You'll Find a Boyfriend Within a Year

Either you're not ready for a relationship...

Or you're not quite ready to leave the house

You can't meet a guy from your couch

So at least consider meeting one from your computer!

When Will You Have a Boyfriend? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Actually...I'm seriously beginning to doubt the "credibility" of these tests cos' nothing seems to be "bad"!

Haha...but I guess...all in the name of fun!

You Are A Perfect Date!

Your manners are always spot on

And you know how to make a guy feel great...

...While still letting him do a bit of the chase

Chances are, your only dating problem is too many offers :-)

Are You a Good Date? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are a Natural Beauty!

You're the kind of beauty that every guy dreams about...

One that looks good in the morning - without a stich of makeup

That's doesn't mean you're a total hippie chic though

You have style, but for you, style is effortless

What Type of Beauty Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You are a Total Romantic

For you, love is like a fairy tale.

Or magic. Or a Meg Ryan movie.

Problem is, you sort of want all three.

You bring the spark in the relationship

In turn, you expect your guy to keep the fire burning

Not a bad deal, as long as you find the right Prince.

Are You Romantic or Realistic? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

You Are A Woman!

Congratulations, you've made it to adulthood.

You're emotionally mature, responsible, and unlikely to act out.

You accept that life is hard - and do your best to keep things upbeat.

This makes you the perfect girlfriend... or even wife!

Are You a Girl or Woman? Take This Quiz :-)

Find the Love of Your Life
(and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance.

Well...when there are only 2's either this or that! ;P

Started to read all over again...

1st time this hols I felt like I was doing something fruitful. I picked up a book to read. And it's beeeen good so far! 5 people you meet in Heaven. Mitch Albom is a good writer. I must say that in spite of the fact that i'm barely 1/4 through the book! And I agree with this point the author made.

Funerals and a new-born bring people together. But I also wanna add something to the list. 21st birthdays! Bwahah...but it actually just boils down to Birth and Death. Sigh...there are like at least 3 funerals going on around my house...hmm...dun exactly know how to describe my feelings...but there's a sense of slight discomfort. I could never associate Death with anything Happy I guess...

I admit that I truly enjoyed bumming for the past 2 weeks. But the guilt starts to set in after a while...of endless spending and no it's exceptionally bad when the family is NOT well-to-do to begin with. Still...i'm not like exactly very enthusiastic in looking for a job. Sent out half completed resumes which I'm sure any respectable organisation will trash. What's wrong with me? It's been so long since I've done something "whole-heartedly"

Just like I forgot how it feels like to slog my heart out working, to go all out to diet by jogging everyday...from 4 rounds to 6 to 8 and then doing 10 rounds comfortably...I soon gave up all that and I never could pick up the same determination ever.

What's wrong? But least I went for a jog with Cuiling today. walked 2 rounds, jogged 4 and did 8 push-ups...wat impressive figures! :( Sigh...

But i was So happy to meet up with Cui and talking and bearing my heart to an old friend. it wasn't much of a conversation...but somehow...i felt less burdened. I think that's what good friends are for. To share joys and woes. And to help each other realise that we're just normal people, with the same weaknesses and faults...and that it's just part of our human nature.

My morning was quite exciting though! Travelled from Bishan to Aljunied to Ubi to Jurong, Jurong East and then finally Clementi! Bwahaha...but I felt more comfortable with E and I decided that's how friendships are formed! Via communication! It's time I opened up more to people...I suddenly feel like i'm making a new friend here cos' while...being together in a car for about 4 hours driving around Singapore, making countless U-turns, looking out for road signs to find warehouses...But it was fun! Though we did have a bit of trouble collecting the magazines n E was late in returning the car...but things eventually turned out fine. As oppose to our first marketing trip when I was consciously trying to make's was more spontaneous, more crappy and light-hearted!

After we unloaded all the goods I was all ready and happy that I could watch Fruits Basket in the room! BUT...i never expected E to return early and ask if I wanted lunch! Sigh...I wasn't really hungry but skipping a meal for a cartoon seemed pretty ridiculous so we met up with another comm. member to have Curry Chicken noodles at NUH! I can't believe I ate such a HUGE potato! But well...I even had Ching Teng after that!!!

Tmr's Mother's Day. Really wish to do something nice for my dearest Mummy...but cos' of the Dry Run that will be happening tmr...I dunno what kind of plans I can come up with...

Maybe I'm not that filial after all?

Friday, May 07, 2004

I'm weird

I really think that I'm weird.

Left the house to go to this job interview. Decided to take bus 51 cos' of my bus pass and I thought it wouldn't be that far...

OH MY GOSH. how wrong can i be? And i actually remembered the wrong of cos' i was hopelessly late...thus I decided to go back to NUS instead to pick up my module description list from the Chinese Department.

I must be freaking mad. I felt like I've spent half of my life on the bus doing absolutely NOTHING at all. Then I went to see the girl in charge in the Dean's out and decided to go to town to get my Mango top.

Met Linien on bus 95! She looks like she's getting even skinnier! Am quite worried about her! And well....Decided to go straight to city hall on 106...grabbed a sour cream pretzel which was great! Gobbled it down...went to MANGO...hover around a bit...and I actually didn't buy the top!!!

The place was suddenly SWARMED with people at about 6:20...I decided it was time to rush back to City Hall mrt where I was supposed to meet the scriptwriting comm...walked all the way back...and well...we landed up at Coffee Club at Raffles City. It was quite cool! The passion tea was too sweet but not bad still lah...wanna try their desserts one day!

We talked and came up with quite a few ideas! Now it's time to develop on it...and yeah...the STUPIDEST thing was coming home! I actually went in the mrt when I needed the toilet from drinking too much water.

So i alighted at Dhoby Ghaut...used the toilet in Plaza Sing, kind of "cut the queue" of a few Hwachong girls...but...heck was REALLY urgent. Then i felt so stupid going back into the I actually walked out to see what bus I could take...waiting 30mins for a 162 which will prob bring me to some place which I don't recognize....LUCKILY I gave i ended up in the mrt after wasting a good half and hr...could have been home by then!

Ass...but between money and time...i think i'll choose time...

OVER MY DEAD BODY will I ever take bus 51 again! Unless it's only for short dist! It's crazy...

And...I'm mad cos' after almost BURSTING from the Sakae Buffet yesterday...I ATE A GOOD 3 meals...and was like BENT of making myself full!!

Like I came home to look for food at about 10:30pm loh! Ate yoghurt, cheese and drank alot of water!!! Now i'm damn full! I'm SO gross!




hmm...can't seem to think of another title for my post and since i'm FEELING fat right now, it shall be my title.

By the way, discussing my FAT is not the issue here.

I slept early last night. Cos' I was "unwilling" to watch Meteor Garden and I couldn't watch OC at my own comfort! I actually FORGOT to watch American Idol. I'm an ass...but yeah.

I felt so upset before I slept cos' I could hear Meteor Garden showing outside. It's not like I hate the show. But i just hate the appearance of Michelle Saram and I HATE to see she and Dao Ming Si falling in love with each other. VCDs are great...cos' you can choose to skip the parts which you don't wish to see...TV is different.

I so HATE third parties. Or issit I just keep hoping that love could be "perfect"?

I don't know...but I was SUPER uneasy.

what is LOVE?

I haven't been feeling that sensation for SO long. I really am forgetting how it feels.

Thursday, May 06, 2004


And i'm no Princess...I'm a UGLY DUCK.


Ooo...that actually feels quite good.


Actually...I'm very vexed and frustrated with myself.

For being so lazy I'm NOT exercising. NOT looking for a job. NOT playing the piano. NOT attending classes. NOT planning for holidays.

Basically just wasting my time away and waiting and hoping that others will do the job for me.

How silly.

I feel useless.

Maybe I am.


I dunno what came over me.

But I'm actually rather depressed now.

It could be the sinful lifestyle I've been leading up till now.

Or it could just be my PMS.

But no matter what, I'm feeling like a pile of shit.

I've been spending and spending and spending, eating and eating and eating...yeah...there's output and input all right...but on different channels.

Spending money without income. Putting on calories without exercising.

I've been out most of the time but it's mostly to shop with my friends. My "to get" list just gets longer.

Applied for A job...but just one. That hasn't got back to I guess it's time I PRO-actively look for another!!!

AND...i ought to move my bum abit more! More than just walking around the malls! Ate myself silly at Sakae Buffet again...I must think i'm very rich.

No more nonsense girl!

I used to feel like my life was really fulfilling though I was DEAD tired when I held 3 jobs after my As...

I hope to find that sense of achievement once again.

I do.


Let's Wed.

I woke up real early, like 7 plus cos' I thought I was gg to queue for 80cents tickets at Balestier Complex with Big Bro but in the end we didn't cos' according to him, only Kill Bill 2 was showing.

So we landed up at Bishan to catch the Korean show Please Teach Me English. wasn't as touching as My Sassy Girl, not all that funny...though I tried to laugh as much as I I'll probably just give it a 3-star rating out of 5..nothing special about the movie really...sigh. But well...I watched a movie! And we eat at Long John...and Big Bro, who has been reading up on palmistry told me things like:
1. I've a "writer's fork" on my career line!!! I have a flare for writing! WOW!!!
2. I'm not a very independent person (How true)
3. I will have 2 "romances" in my life....My Husband!!! Hurry along!!! ;P
4. I will live to about 55-80 years old. (Quite vague I know...)
I like these stuff...about horoscope and palmistry and all...I mean...not that I really really believe in it...but it's all for fun...and it's always nice to look forward to good things happening! Don't ya agree? =)

I tried to look for the Winter Sonata VCDs (but to no avail!!) And I finally plucked up enough courage to walk into Sakae to sign for part time help. It's time for me to do some work I guess....Been leading too good a life I'm beginning to feel very sinful!

Came home to do some mailing and calling...and it was time for me to leave my house again to meet up with the Lishis! Sigh...I missed the Seafood Mos Burger which I wanted to try so I bought bread at St Leavens! Saw Weiling at Taka too...she was busy shopping for her working attachment soon! I'm Starting to feel slightly directionless...even R has started to fill up her relief teaching form! WHat am I doing?!?! SHopping and Eating every single day?!!? the way...regarding the NUS College thing at Shanghai...the co-ordinator has told me to try out the next intake...not bad lah...I should stay in Singapore more...heh...and not like they'll definitely take me in...sigh...but I admit that I've hopes...and I truly hope to go...

Meeting up with Lishis was fun! We went shopping around for Aili's present and of cos' we shopped abit for clothes too! Saw this Mango top that I'll be getting...sigh...can't get a grip on myself...;P And well, we settled for a purple sling bag from Little Matchgirl and this pair of funky earrings from Hula & Co. which were somehow all chosen by me! so proud of myself! =) And the surprising thing was Aili knew that it was probably chosen by me! hmm...sometimes I wonder what kind of taste my friends think I have???

I bought Italian Gelato (after alot of deliberation), green mint was not too bad...I LOVE ice-cream I guess...hee...then we headed off to Zouk in HY's bf's car! He was pretty nice! For someone meeting 5 girl friends of his gf out of the blue! He dropped us at Great World where we bought our alcohol at 7-11 first. I only drank 1/3 of a ice-coffee vodka mudshake (which taste really sweet and milky...but I like!) and maybe 5 sips of this Amsterdam beer that's like 10% and I was pretty "high" already!

Zouk was actually happening when HL and I was leaving at about 11! bwahaha...dun ask me why I even went in in the first place...cos' I was very much just sleepy and we managed to only "shake" like for about 10 mins...but I thought it was pretty fun already. I think...I've got a violent streak in me! Cos' after I drank...I wanted to bish someone...and I was all ready to be all "black-face" and to curse and scold people! the bitch that refused to return HL's bag cos' she forgot to take the tag! Oh oh...and...whilst gg in...the bouncer gave me a free admission card for a party on 8th May. It seemed like I was the only one in the grp which got the card. My friends said it's cos' I was I would really love to believe that...but on hindsight...I think it's more likely that I look like I chiong the most amongst the girls...and that I look the oldest and most "prosperous" thus more likely to spend...sigh...

On our way back to the Orchard MRT...HL said that I was very filial...always thinking of my family...but I guess it's more like...i've gotten past the phase. I like to go clubbing...and I'll only stay out late if I've got a place to stay (like hall) or if someone can drive me home... cos' I dun see the point in making my parents upset or to make a din so late when my mum gotta work the next day and to spend SO SO much on cab fare...I've "partied" enough I think...Maybe I AM getting more sensible. This makes me happy! =)

A pigeon perched on my room window last night...I was pretty amazed cos' it didn't shift at all though I made noise...maybe it was either injured or REALLY tired...but I was actually happy that it slept there the whole night! I'm weird...i mean...pigeon and their shit is supposed to be bad for health right? heck lah...

Last night...on the train ride back...I was thinking back of those times when I was in a relationship...

It's been so long since anyone told me that I was IMPORTANT. My ex used to tell me that...even before we officially got together...and my best friend told me that Years ago too...

I wonder if I am important to anyone besides my mum now...Maybe I haven't been that great a friend. JF asked me how come I never invite any guys to my bday party...hmm...and I really that anti-social? How come it seems much harder to bear my heart to someone else now?

Gotta think about this...

Tuesday, May 04, 2004


My dreams were So vivid this morning it's pretty incredible.

I dreamt of buses and interchange, the one near my place but which is being torn down.
I also dreamt of Mel and she playing some game using a laptop and a huge screen lit up by a fire burning behind the screen...dun ask me how the screen appeared in the bus interchange or how there could be a fire...dreams ARE meant to be bizarre i think...;P

Then I met a st nicks junior who's supposedly in Sec 2 but has a boyfriend from Uni whom I supposedly know...well...this is only PART of the dream...there were alot more...just that I can't remember now cos' I didn't make the effort to...

Hmm...The UE committee went down to Adidas-Solomon at Suntec yesterday to meet up with our sponsor...a good 2 hrs was spent explaining to us the details of the apparel, bags and shoes...I was really impressed by how "knowledgable" the managers are with regards to the products...they REALLY study those stuff...i guess they have to but well...can't help but be impressed when they went on about the foot and all the ligaments and scientific terms and all...

We had a pretty good deal! 65% off the 2003 series for footwear and 50% off everything bought a pair of shoes for myself though I wonder how often it'll be that I go running on uneven terrain and all...but it's a good deal! ;P Bought a top for my bro too! It costs $69 originally! Too bad they only imported the small sizes for the women's top...sigh...they really dun care too much about fat girls like me!

By the time I came back it was like close to 7pm...I walked around Bishan abit to check out if the restaurants are recuiting part time help...I half-heartedly want to work...I mean...I need the money, yet I want time for myself...sigh...I'm in such a dilemma!!!

Sunday, May 02, 2004 a Singaporean way.

I spent my Sunday in a very Singaporean way! the sisters have concluded that it's not our fault singaporean girls are constantly TRYING to diet...cos' there's simply nothing much to do everyday except to meet up and EAT and SHOP. Even sitting in a Cafe and chatting means putting on more calories!

I went around shopping with my mum and I ate alot of good food! =)
But this time round, instead of feeling downright sinful, I felt really fortunate! Food is not about's about quality...and now I really feel that it's important to be "happy" no matter what you do...

My mum and I went to the new OG at Orchard Point...bwahaha...those who know me long enough will know that OG is about the ONLY place my mum goes to shop at...and we've been faithful patrons since like YEARS and YEARS ago. But I guess OG has kind of "reestablished" itself. I is still very much a "auntie place"! But alot of trendy people can be found there too!

We then had dinner at Mushroom Pot in Orchard Point...WOW...the place serves good food! The noodles were not bad and the soup base impressive! The gyoza was nice! We enjoyed the meal very much! Yes, it's not cheap...a bowl of noodles plus a side dish costs $13.80+++ but if you only order noodles, it's usually about $10...which is quite typical of I think it's still a good place to go! Next time I'm there I'll try out the paper steamboat! It's pretty cool to see the food in a "paper bowl" being heated up by fire and NOT catching fire...;)

Still...despite being happy...It's time yet ago to cut back on all the eating...The weight that I've supposedly lost during the exams are clearly all coming back cos' 1. my weighing scale tells me so. 2. it's SHOWING on my face already!

Arrgh...somehow...I appreciate hall. The food doesn't make people "desire" or "hunger" for more...but now that i'm home...ALL seems so tempting........arrgh...

it's time!