I am just Me. Am I?

Saturday, March 13, 2004


After my outburst this morning...time for something nice! Last night I actually went for a band concert! Going for that concert reminds me of many things! Like how I was so "crazy" over Huiyi in my Secondary Sch i used to like band so much cos' i thought so many "zai" people were in it! How I used to attend band concerts to support my best friend and other friends! hmm....those were e days man...i'm old!

Well, the guy who was supposed to drive me to tampines to pick up the biscuits finally arrived after almost making me cry for wasting close to 1 hr waiting! Since he's hardly an acquaintance...couldn't scold i thought might as well make the best out of it...and I somehow managed to keep up with a friendly conversation with him! Talked all about cars and driving, Hwachong and friends...Nus and sports club....I did my best...No choice lah...2 strangers on a long journey from Clementi to Tampines...but i think we warmed up more on the trip back. We even had a few laughs! And well...after talking abt a few common ppl that we know...he suddenly mentioned En Huai...that was an unfortunate event...and left us quiet for a while. But the main thing was that Euken mentioned that we're no longer young.

Perhaps we are young, but that doesn't entitle us to "waste" any time, cos' life is precious and unpredictable.

After I dropped the Pumpkin biscuits, I went back to my room for a while, then it was time for me to meet Mr Thomas Tong for my project. Boy, he was NICE! And alot younger than I thought! He's my uncle's friend! According to my mum, a very capable Chinese man who came over to NUS to do his masters, married a girl with a PHD, and secured a job in a MNC plus he's got rather good english speaking skills! he was so patient answering all my doubts and doing even more! He "offered" to address many of the questions which I should have asked but I didn't exactly think of it! He's indeed VERY knowledgable! After the "not so nice Delifrance Hot chocolate but great fruit tartlet", and a rather "long" interview...we left Jurong East. We began to chat abt other things! His relatives are all pretty influencial i should say! His bro-in-law is some state mayor of Hangzhou who could probably take care of all my accomodation and all if I would wanna go back to China and visit! Haha...Then he told me about what he thinks about Singapore, China but the one comment he made that left the deepest impression is that, "Girls should make more friends and preferably find a Boyfriend in university cos' that's the best time. When it comes to the work place...the choices are just simply too narrowed!"

How true! I'm starting to get abit worried! Haha...time to take action! ;P On my way back, saw this st nicks junior of mine who came to NUS open house today! Wow...New people will be coming in soon! That's FAST! and...I had fun just telling her abt sch life, abt hall life and alot of other things! Which reminds me...I was thinking of the "butterfly Effect", "sensitive dependence"...If only I had more confidence in myself 2 yrs back. If only I've thought hard enough to make the "right choice". With ABBB and A2 for GP, I'm sure I could have gotten to another faculty or probably another Uni! But I felt too inferior then...My friends ALL did so much better than me! What do I have to compete? So i opted for the easiest option...i chose FASS...I think I told myself then, it's long as i'm the best there it's ok.

But I'm not the I guess that's not ok.

Mr Tong is right. One has to be ambitious. When I was Sec 3. I wanted to be president of Chinese Society and be in the committee of the Prefectorial Board. So whatever I did, I worked towards those aims...I felt very "fulfilled" despite the fact that I fell short, only managed to get into the comm. of CLDDS and b a "welfare head" in PB. But still, I was happy.

In JC, I wanted to be in the comm. for ZWXH and be a director. I got what I wished. But I didn't dare aim for my As. So I fell...BIG TIME.

Now it's the same, I dare not dream anymore...I kind of feel like my fate is sealed.

But is it?

Maybe not.

I can't turn back time, but I can make the most NOW.

Sure hope I do...


I've got enough of people who can't wake up in time for morning appointments! I've enough of all the *&@#$! I felt like a stupid goose sitting right outside KR waiting for some person to come along and not reading cos' I wanted to keep "alert" cos' I didn't know how to identify him at all!

Somehow I don't feel like I'm doing my "job". More like i'm doing UE a favour! We're picking up sponsored stuff yet we're like LATE jus cos' some arse slept late! I waited half an hr in the morn for my "leader" to meet me...but that's still OK cos' i had a workout and I could read whilst waiting for her...

But just now was like a TOTAL WASTE of more than half an hr of my life and I didn't even dare to go toilet! Now I can't even scold him cos' i don't even know who he is!!!

WHat's wrong????


Friday, March 12, 2004

Lord of the Rings...

I've forgotten how tiring it can be to watch a really good movie!

I was really excited when I got into the cinema! As expected, there's like hardly anyone in the entire cinema! I practically had half the theatre to myself! But once the movie started...I began to "regret" it abit cos it suddenly hit me how terrified I was of the the last sequel of Lord of the Rings! I've never like war and killing and death! expected, I soon starting crying and trembling all at the same time! Guess I has too emotionally shaken. Why most "people" kill one another? The armies of the dark forces look so hideous! I basically just kept "praying" that the good people will hurry to their rescue! Why take so long? Why make so many lose their lives? I was kind of "traumatised" despite knowing in the back of my mind that the Good will eventually win...

It was a good thing I had my trusty jacket and tissue paper with me! Wouldn't know what would become of me if I didn't bring them along! I was very touched by the courage of so many! The love of Eowyn for her father and her people made her so brave she faced the dark leader of the troop. The love of the Hobbits for each other, the faith the fellowship had for Frodo made them all willing to sacrifice their lives if need be to protect the Earth. Though I was cursing and cursing the author when I kept seeing stabs and heads and blood...I was glad that I got to watch this film on big screen! In fact, I liked the fact that it ended with SAM! I so love him! He's like the ONLY character which I've never doubted about his sincerity to help his friend and not be bought over by the evil ring...He never felt Frodo no matter what (yeah, except when he thought he was killed by the spider, but I think he redeemed himself by going to Frodo's rescue!) I thought he was as much if not more than a hero Frodo is...

In fact, everyone single one's a hero...and...I'm just so happy with the ending! Though I didn't understand why did the Wizards and Elves have to leave the Middle Earth? I would LOVE to be living with them still! (Ok girl...I know it's just a fantasy, but well...)

AND...if only there's only love and peace in this greed, no evil...

I would love that...=)


This is a reminder to myself : " Do give yourself a smile once you wake up. Then it'll be a Great day!"

I've just decided to go out alone tmr to catch a movie. First time i'll be watching a movie alone volunteeringly! And...I'm actually looking forward to it!

Hahaha...Lord of the Rings...Here I come!!! (Hey, don't laugh k, I came back from China too late to catch it with anyone!) ;P

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Nothing, Everything recess week turned out to be very "recess" indeed. As usual, like the past 3 weeks, I felt like I haven't done anything constructive.

I travelled a whole lot though, went home again today! Did foot reflexology using the new OTO machine that my mum bought last weekend! (ooo...I forgot to mention how much I like the new bishan's much food! It's heaven!!!) ;P Hmm...well...did some painting for Sports Club, did booth duty (which = hanging ard and taking a tour at science) and...DRANK MY DADDY'S SOUP! I think my dad makes the BEST soups! Am so contented! =) supposed "diet" is not working very well...bwahaha...of cos...I'll give myself time! Just did aerobics! Like cheese so much! She's always so full of energy!

Seems like I haven't been doing much cos' whatever I've done is not related to work! But...simply having the opportunity to be doing these things...means EVERYTHING, doesn't it?

Received an email fr stef today! (In fact 2! Since she sent it to both my email accounts!) And I'm truly touched that she's so concerned. In fact, I know alot of my friends are...cos' ever since I'm back in S'pore, most of my msn nicks suggest that I'm getting "suicidal"! Stef's right! I shouldn't be so pessimistic, I'm way luckier than others! Perhaps I'm just going through the "uncontented" phase Cuiling said she's going through too. Like I'm feeling I'm not stretching my full potential, like there's so much more that I want to do, Wish i could do...Still! Despite that, I should try and be HAPPY! Cos' a happy person will attract more friends, life will improve with a more positive outlook!

I'll work hard on it really!

And I'm proud of Stef. She's so brave. She'll be blessed.


Tuesday, March 09, 2004

CUILING's stayover!

Yeah! Cuiling actually came over to stay last night! We had GREAT chocs which she bought from taka (Royce) and of cos...alot of fun getting drenched walking in e heavy heavy rain! It was a miracle how much it rained yesterday!

Finally spent time "interacting" with others and well, I jogged this morning! WOW...but the 10 min jog almost took my life lah...haha. I'm lousy. Time to move MORE MORE. Of cos' i kind of wasted my day away, went to my fav hangout IMM once more! Then off to paint a banner, attended a meeting, replied a few emails...but things are left unsettled, books untouched.

WHAT should I do?


Monday, March 08, 2004

Slack week???

I just realised something...the upcoming week will be an even more "relaxed" week cos' lessons for 2 of my modules actually stopped! So I've got my desired "recess week"! Then, i'm so scared! I don't wanna waste it away like i did the last 2 weeks!

1. I've REALLY GOT TO DO MY WORK IN ADVANCE and attempt to do some "catching up".
2. I gotta exercise more too!

All the way!

I love my new skin!!!

Yeah! I SO SO love this new skin! Hopefully from now blog will turn into a happy one! hee...=)

Sunday, March 07, 2004


I'm sure i'm the exact embodiment of Sloth and Gluttony! For the past week I've had a relatively relaxed and easy week cos' as compared to my friends, I had no essays, no projects due and no mid-terms! Precisely...I told myself to move around abit more, but i ended up spending more time on my bed!

Then Friday came, Peiling and I went to Sakae to enjoy the 1-for-1 buffet deal! It was an truly an "experience" to be standing in the queue for close to 2 hrs just to get into the restaurant! And it's amazing to see how total strangers suddenly seemed to "unite" when it was close to closing time and we all faced the possibility that we might not get to eat at all! The poor manager had to try and convince some people to leave! It turned out that there were people who came earlier just to leave their names and then went off to shop whereas some "faithful" queuers stayed behind and basically just stood in line and chit-chatted! (Like us!) It was rather funny to hear people around us complain either "under their breaths" or went up to confront the manager and demand for the "boss" to be down to "settle the problem". It was like a play in it's own right! The various reactions of people when they are hungry and unhappy! Haha...idea!
Rei was right, it's at times of offer and discounts do the "ugly" side of Singaporeans surface.

Once we helped ourselves to the seat and drinks...we started ordering like nobody's business...but cos' they were seriously shorthanded...some of our orders came REALLY REALLY Late! like after we were full and almost dying! So we had no choice but to "sneakyly" put the cover on e sushi put it on the belt n left! bwahahaha....;P

I had my dinner so late I couldn't sleep! Went back and watched Love actually in xinye's room! hmm...i guess...i can't really appreciate the was ok lah...but too many stories, can't give a proper ending to most i think.

Next came Saturday. I actually managed to have breakfast! Came home to eat more, then went to Gracia's house for her birthday party! It felt so good! To see so many familiar faces after like...years?!!? I was touched that Gracia actually invited me! I talked to Jianbi, michelle, sharon and company! We have all had different experiences, met different people but yet we still look so familiar, can relate so's amazing! =) Of cos' i ate some more...but the most amazing part of the party was Gracia singing us a song! She's SO SO sweet! and well...i was really touched by her "hilarious speech". She's truly a gem to those who know her and I'm glad to have known her, really! It's the first time i received a card from attending a party...and I felt so happy for her cos' she's so loved by people around her! She deserves it of cos!

After the party, i rushed home to bake a cake with a miracle cake mix by Betty Crocker! Cos' Ewan told us to bring something baked! It turned out ok! Smelling nice! =) I was quite proud of it cos it was my 1st cake! (though i didn't do much except to add water, stir n put it in e oven!) But best thing though is that everyone laughed at my cake and said that it looked like curry instead! Bwahaha...guess it's cos my presentation's quite bad!

We ate A HELL lot over there too! Like we were perpetually in the kitchen, ate vermiceil (not sure how to spell!), ALOT OF PIZZA, a pandan chiffon than turned out like "kueh", 1 moist chocolate cake, 2 rich chocolate cakes, my "curry cake" and an oreo mudpie!!! sinful is that?!?! bwahaha...but I guess it's not the food lah...more like the opportunity to just hang around with my friends, talk crap, about the past, look at old photos, keep ourselves updated about our love lives...

I like birthdays! Happy 21st to all my friends!! =)