I am just Me. Am I?

Friday, March 05, 2004

Strong emotions

I felt as if i've just gone through a roller-coaster ridel. I shall attribute it to my PMS.

I had spent hours planning my birthday celebration. An executive suite is booked! I guess that's a start, but there are problems. Room cannot accomodate ALL that i wish to invite. If I only invite my close friends, should I throw a buffet for the rest? Too expensive? Meet up with them seperately? Too time-consuming? Buffet? Where? Rainy? How? Too many things to think about. So basically i'm back to nothing much as usual. Haha...I think as it gets more pressing, it'll turn out. Oh...and I've gotta mention all my friends who have patiently "hear me out" when I was just going on listing possibilities and rejecting my own proposals one by one...people like Sunshine, Cuiling and Joyce...and of course my dearest Peijin who had to go to great lengths to book the room on my behalf and is now part of my birthday committee...;P

Then, I just keep sleeping during lessons, tutorials and lectures alike, no matter how much I've slept in the night or in the day. That sucks BIG time.

Then I found out that I've one extra day to submit my essay outline. Yeah! So as usual I slacked, went to eat the sinful "after dinner meal" and attended the International Relations Night and wow...said pretty silly things like "I can't believe Ross is in Dance!" under my breath (supposedly) cos' he obviously heard it. But it was funny to disturb him. Was once again "bowled" over by Swee Yong, my ex-crush! He's SO SO cute! I've no idea how to describe but just seeing him sitting on the chair, trying to study and "manage the store" and looking squeakingly well-groomed and gleeming at the same time. As usual, I did the bimbotic, "He's so cute I can't stand it"...thus invited more tease and mockery from my friends...sigh...then i ended up "too shy" to help him out though I REALLY wanted to! Now that was quite happy still.

Then, I had my KRX meeting. Kent Ridge Drama. I admit. I was irritating, I had absolutely no manners and was super attitude problem. Didn't know what came over me. I got what I always wanted, the play I was supposed to be in charge of is scraped. Now I can go watch Huang Cheng and not have long nights and be stressed. But somehow I feel bad. It's just like me, always wanting to be the bad guy and when I really become one, I start to regret the role.

Arrgh...And I haven't been doing much marketing for Urban Escape, the sports club project I got myself involved in. I haven't been doing much catching up with my readings either. I've just put all my responsibilities aside and watch crappy shows which do me no good and makes me all the more anti-social.

What's wrong with me? I really don't know.

Starting to dislike myself all over again.

Monday, March 01, 2004


Well was one slack day as usual cos' I woke up only to keep falling asleep whilst watching Grammys can U believe that? Btw...I finally went to lecture, slept 3/4 of it...then went for a tutorial. WOW...the tutor in e class before us is Damn young! And is cute too! sigh...too bad i've got a lecture right before my tutorial, can't switch classes...=( But then again, my class already has an econs Shen! He's like so smart and everything! Plus he's quite good looking with this really cute smile...he was pretty funny when he tried to explain the answer...but well usual, I'm not like TERRIBLY excited, just that he's a new idol cos' he's such a smarty! I mean, during the bash, I saw this guy with a really nice smile? Turned out that he was the hall king last yr, but i didn't get all high or anything...feels like i'm really quite "off" and "cold" lately...haha...which is good lah...I should learn to love my books more...esp when it's barely a month to exams and freaking NUS has NO recess week for me to pack my notes even!!! arrgh...

Den being the loser I am...I went over to the library to borrow books to zap...only to find out that well...only had 30cents left after paying my fine so cld only zap one chapter! haha...den went to my General Education Module (Taming Chaos). Wow...this time round people are REALLY asking questions! Think they have started preparing for exams...and i'm still lost! What to do???

Dunno what i'm thinking about dozing off and staring into space thinking of my birthday party....

I'm 21. Getting older definitely...but sensible?

Guess not...

Birthdays and good food

oh pick up from where I left off...We subsequently sat around and chit chat and ate ALOT of junk food! It was nice to hear from everyone and hear about the updates regarding our old schoolmates! We watched a few episodes of Sex and the City...found that it was actually a little "meaningful"! Of cos' people starting to sleep at abt 3 odd and it was then i started to develop cramps...downed 2 bottles of Bo Chai pills and felt kind of bad that my friends had to attend to me instead of talking to the birthday girl! ;P

All went well, 3 girls managed to catch some sleep on one pathetic single bed...and first thing I did after I woke up the next morning was to rush home to sweep the floor! (Thought my brother wasn't coming home to help see...)

Then I moved off to Ark Cafe for xinge express...the songs were pretty unique! Dinner was unexpectedly good cos' Sunshine and I actually planned on going to Smith Street? But met some of our hall friends who brought us to Soup Kitchen instead. Wow...the Samsui Ginger Chicken, Prawns with Tofu, soup!! Very good food! Somemore we had alot of "hus" for dessert later! (Sesame paste, walnut, almond, blah...)

Shortly after I came back to hall, I had to prepare to go meet my friends for NTU hall bash! Kind of "overslept" and ended up really late. Luckily had a lift to the mrt station so wasn't that bad...but we ended up at the Newsroom bar really early and well...I should say the bash wasn't entirely exciting, there were times I just sat around listening to music...but I didn't mind really! Guess it's cos' I simply had too much time to kill somehow! The bar's quite nice when it's not too crowded...Later when people started to stream in, we kind of like "lived off" Weiling's and Joyce's friend Martin who generously treated the entire table to drinks...the dancing was pretty fun! Though it was mainly with Joyce, Joycelyn and Cuiling...but I made the extra effort to jump it was quite fun...thought that the poles and bartops were not put to very good use though...the people there not exactly the best dancers ard I guess...but cos' dance floor very cramp so quite squeezy. Hsueh Wei was there! She's even MORE chio and stylo now! Think she's freaking cool and she's already graduated! But well, come to think of it...I'm gonna be graduating really soon too! Time so files...

Slept over at Cui's place after the bash. Weird that though I'm gonna be 21...I still can't go home after clubbing yeah...just doesn't feel right. But! I got to eat nice mudpie and Tang2 Shui3 at Cui's place!

Went home immediately after I woke up from Cui's place, all blurry eyed and all cos' i didn't wash my face! haha...thought that my house was really near mah...but I was quite proud of myself cos I actually walked back then climbed up the stairs to my 11-storey flat! =) One step nearer to my efforts to losing weight! (Or so I hope lah)

Next was just the usual Sunday thing like watching Tv, eating cereal, fishcake and chicken for alot of snacking...(kinds of defeat the whole purpose yeah) ;P I then spent hours trying to book a chalet for my birthday...but alas! Seems like the entire world has booked the chalets! Especially for the weekends! sob sob...and I think the school holidays fall in that week too! So it's extra tough...then I started to think of maybe my void-deck? Hall?? Bwahaha...the hall one is quite funny...cos' i think i'll be the first and only to throw a birthday party using the hall premises! ;P No conclusion yet...but i guess I'll continue to got their pros and cons...Who shall I invite? Will they be entertained? What Must i many things to think!!! SO...i chose not to think as usual...and went shopping at heartland mall and the ntuc with my mum! I enjoy being able to do that! Really...without thinking that I've an essay to submit...a test to study for...But I'm so weird...cos' I've been so slack as compared to a few weeks ago...I really felt odd! like...uneasy...

Went home and watched lousy tv (like i wasn't even interested), then decided to print my notes...and eventually...started to fall asleep in front of the com! was dinner! WOW...dinner was SUPERB! With two bowls of sharks fin, salmon, scallop with broccoli, beef stew...WOW...I must have put on like twice of what I tried to shed in the day...but it was all worth it! ;P To think I had a curry puff and yoghurt before dinner! My appetite is really quite huge now...but I still think my mum's dinner is the best! =)

Den hall, Mun's birthday celeb which I had a good laugh cos' of all the sabotage and silly things we said...

Birthdays birthdays...I wonder how will mine turn out?? hmm...

Sunday, February 29, 2004


This must have been the most relaxed week I've had eversince the Chinese New Year...In fact, I've been so slacked I'm worried, like somehow I'm missing deadlines and not doing it has been a rather "tiring" relaxed week in a sense. Like I'm resting, but not really well-rested...

Besides for the luxury of going to gyms, grocery shopping...Friday midnight the St Nicks' CLDDS excos came over to celebrate Peijin's birthday! They all gathered in my room initially and my room was like brought to life with 6 other chatty girls! It was pretty fun to meet up with everyone after so long! =) We popped over with a chocolate cake and a topshop jacket, collarborated with her boyfriend to let us in...and sort of gave her a surprise! =) We hid in her room see...and it was pretty funny cos' at midnight, some of her hall friends came n knocked on her door whilst we were like in the dark carrying a lit cake! =)

To be cont...